The long-awaited annual Men’s Conference#2020 is here, but the official venue for the gala still remains undisclosed. This is for an obvious reason: Enemy Infiltration. To discourage distracting incidences, the venue will be communicated later this evening.
However, the management has deemed it fit to leak sections of the agenda to be addressed at the conference. Keynote speakers from across the continent and beyond are scheduled to make presentations in a bid to empower and embolden the long-suffering male gender. These speakers are confident individuals who’ve clearly been tested by the alternate gender and rose like a Phoenix from the battle ashes.
Measured and found not wanting.
The leaked agenda mainly covers social topics. Confidential items will only be discussed at the venue. The social aspect of the conference covers the frequent points of antagonism in many households, and which have been a perennial thorn in the flesh.
These include, but are not limited, to:
- Household chores.
- Carrying handbags in public.
- Attending photo shoots.
- Falling victim to the Send Fare Scam.
- The exploitive bride price issue.
It’s bound to be mind-blowing when the experts mount the podium to give their opinions about these prickly issues. Many participants, however, are keen to attend for the confidential items on that agenda. Unconfirmed leaks point to various issues:
- The general importance and relevance of growing a beard in a household. The beard, and the moustache are veritable symbols of authority.
- The follies and tricks of dealing with persistent dry spell in the hands of an inconsiderate or uninterested spouse. Is the sudden headache at bed time real?
- What’s the ideal time should the (bearded) man of the house get home after work? A real man passes by the local to discuss the country’s prevailing strains of bad economy and leadership over a cold Tusker, right?
Other important parts of the leak includes a directive for all participants to cover all needs of their families before the D-Day. These include the usual shopping needs, fuel needs and other utilities as the other side shall be marking the obnoxious Valentine’s Day. This can easily be handled by using their Coop Visa Cards to pay directly at the outlets. Any distractions wrought by disgruntled spouses related to such issues will lead to automatic expulsion.
To register for the conference, no cash shall be accepted. Use the Coop Visa Card, safer and more convenient.
P.S. All men without a beard or a bare-minimum moustache shall have rotational kitchen duties allocated to them.
February 17, 2020
February 11, 2020