LOL Archives

Tanzanian President Magufuli plans to abolish Birth Control Methods

Posted on September 12, 2018 by Desiree Miller

We reported recently of a new law abolishing make up or hair extensions in the Tanzanian Parliament. This new development is even more shocking.

The President is considering abolishing use of condoms and birth control pills in Tanzania.

President Magafuli has urged Tanzanian women to give up on birth control methods because he thinks his country needs more people. “You have cattle and you are big farmers, you can feed your children. Why then resort to birth control? This is my opinion. I see no reason to control births in Tanzania. I have travelled to Europe and elsewhere and have seen the harmful effects of birth control. Some countries are now facing declining population growth. They are short of manpower,” said President Magafuli.

Tanzanian population is currently at 59.4 Million and this has raised concerns that if birth control methods are abolished, it would lead to overpopulation.

Trending: Kick out the Monday blues with these Hilarious #biblememehistory tweets

Posted on August 13, 2018August 13, 2018 by Desiree Miller

Monday blues are a real thing by the way So if you are unfortunately experiencing this right now, we are here to help.

In case you missed this trending hastag on twitter, these memes will make your day.

if these don’t make your day you surely need to go back home and sleep.

Ringtone resorts to Priesthood after Zari rejection

Posted on July 31, 2018July 31, 2018 by Desiree Miller

In a way to deal with the way Zari rejected him, Kenyan gospel artiste Ringtone says he is considering priesthood.

Officially a priest, haters of the gospel will say I cannot but everything is possible with God,” Ringtone stated on Instagram.

Speaking to sources in Kenya, the singer is reportedly facing a dwindling career and has chosen the path of controversy to stay in the limelight.

Earlier this year, he made several attempts to woo Zari after she broke up with Tanzanian crooner Diamond Platnumz. He also tried to trail her with a new Range Rover when she visited Nairobi. However, Zari turned down his efforts stating that she did not need them.

She rather advised him to offer the car to Diamond’s other baby mama Hamisa Mobetto.

Are you Single, illegaly “Married” and broken Hearted? Here is an overnight for You

Posted on July 26, 2018 by Desiree Miller

Are you having trouble with finding a lover? Are you ‘illegally married’? (Whatever this means…) Are you a university student, undecided or broken hearted? Well, Jesus is the answer!

Yes, Nabulagala Church Of Uganda is reportedly holding a singles overnight to address these issues to the Lord! Incase you have been yearning for divine intervention in your relationship or marital status, the place to be is just a few kilometres from the city centre.

The overnight prayers will be held Saturday July 28. Endevour to attend and come back with a testimony!

Upcoming Artiste Aziz and Cougar Mona Lisa beg Bryan White for money

Posted on July 18, 2018 by Desiree Miller

Upcoming singer Aziz Mawanda, also known as Azizi Magically, and his sugar mummy Mona-Lisa Larsson have reached out to socialite Bryan White for financial assistance now that Mama Fiina is angry at them.

The Internetverse Trolls Judith Heard on her New Short Hair Look

Posted on July 13, 2018 by Desiree Miller

After releasing a sex tape and nude pictures a month ago, Judith Heard is back in the news.

Socialite Judith Heard shocked her fans and followers after unveiling a new look. The aging socialite recently visited a salon and trimmed her hair to 2 inches.

Some of her followers claim she looks like politician Olara Otunnu. One fan posted; ” Isn’t that amazing, Judith Heard and Olara Otunnu?.

Is this Accurate?

Failed Artist Aziz And Swedish Sugar Mummy Starving to death

Posted on July 12, 2018 by Desiree Miller

Nineteen-year-old failed singer Aziz Magically (real name Aziz Mwanda) thought he had won a jackpot when he hooked the 85-year-old renowned cougar Mona Lisa Larsson but things are turning pretty bad at an alarming speed.

Aziz hooked up with the Swedish national after her public break up with another younger but also struggling artiste, Guvnor Ace. Aziz and Mona Lisa have been a tour of sorts – visiting different media houses professing their love for each other and announcing their wedding date as July 28 at Speke Resort Munyonyo this year.

However, over the weekend Spark TV’s Livewire gossip show revealed that the couple had been arrested and held at Jinja Road police station after failing to pay hotel fees after spending a night in the Kayanya-based Fair Miles Hotel.

This was shortly after a staff member of another hotel called Palm Gardens Hotel accused the couple of failing to pay accommodation fees amounting to Shs2million after spending four nights in the aforementioned hotel.

After the incident, Aziz apologized to his ‘fans’ saying that there was a problem with his fiancee’s credit card which has made them unable to pay any bills.

“The lady’s visa card has some issues. I want to pay everyone’s money. Am not lying and she is not lying. All those demanding us money we shall pay you. Please understand because am a fellow Ugandan like you. I love this woman but I also love money a lot so I can’t betray you like that,” he said, before assuring the viewers that he and Mona Lisa are still very much in love

DO NOT MISS: Prof Barnabas Nawangwe’s mother-in-law killed by a calf

However, his excuse changed yesterday after his was found admitted in Mulago hospital after suffering a big fall in the night.

“I woke up last night and I was not feeling well. I tried to get up but I stumbled and fell. My lips cracked and yet I also have a little fever,” he said.

Aziz, who was being tended to by Mona Lisa, is said to have collapsed due to hunger since they can barely afford any thing at the moment.

“We don’t have even Shs100…that’s the truth. We can’t even find where to stay. My lip has been stitched but I was just helped by a Good Samaritan who drove us here,” he admitted in an interview with Bukedde TV.

He asked Ugandans to help him since he is also an African revealing that he is even afraid to go home because his people think he has money. He says that family has shunned him ever since he hooked with Mona Lisa.

Meanwhile Mona Lisa was relying on drinking water as she could not afford any food in the hospital. They were helped by traditional herbalist Mama Fiina who saw them on TV. She bought them some gonja and minute maid before taking them with her to an undisclosed location. Mama Fiina is also responsible for rehabilitating failed singer Cute Kaye who was arrested last month for stealing car headlights.

Mama Fiina promised to buy an air-ticket for Mona Lisa to be able to fly back to Sweden and give financial support to Aziz instead of wasting his future with the sugar mummy.

Kenyan Man Sues Condom Company After Impregnating Side Chics

Posted on July 6, 2018 by Desiree Miller

A man in Nairobi has gone to court to protest the marketing, sale and distribution of a specific type of condoms in Kenya.

Williamson Nyakweba Omworo has sued Beta Healthcare, Kenya Bureau of Standards (KeBS) and the Kenya Revenue Authority (KRA) over the sale of Zoom condoms, which he claims to be substandard.

He alleged that he used the condom on various women and contracted sexually transmitted infections. He also claimed that some of the women he was involved with in his escapades became pregnant and that he has since realized the condoms he used broke.

Since he contracted syphilis and gonorrhea, he lost his wife who accused him of being an unfaithful partner, lost his job and continues to suffer mental anguish.

Compensated

He now wants to be compensated Kshs3,400 (about UShs129,400) for his medication among other reprieves from court.

In case documents filed at the High Court, Mr Omworo claimed that he used the said condoms for about 10 months before he allegedly realized that they were substandard.

Being a frequent traveller between his native home in Kisii and Nairobi, he said he purchased the condoms from various shops, pharmacists and entertainment joints in the said towns and those in between for his personal use.

Through his lawyers from the firm of Charles Gomba & Company advocates, he claimed that he has learnt the said condoms were prohibited from getting into the market in Uganda because of failing to meet the required qualitative tests and was declared not fit for the intended use as it did not comply with the required ISO specifications.

He also claimed that when he wrote a demand letter to KeBS while seeking to know whether they approved the said condoms for use, the body has been elusive and evasive about the issue.

He argues that there was collusion between the sued parties to mask the fact that the consignment did not measure up to the required safety and health standards hence violated his rights as a consumer.

Public interest

“I bring this petition as an individual and as a matter of public interest on behalf of the citizens of Kenya as the issues raised herein affects their health and safety,” said Mr Omworo.

He further claimed that his rights to goods of reasonable quality, information, protection of health safety among others were violated.

He accuses Beta Healthcare, which markets the said product, of failing to protect his health, safety and economic interest by supplying condoms that exposed him to the risk of contracting STIs, the dreaded HIV and the mental anguish of exposing his partners to the same risk besides unwanted pregnancies.

“It is imperative and its indeed economical use of precious judicial resources of time to certify this matter as urgent, set it down for a hearing on a priority basis in order to prevent other Kenyans from being exposed to STIs and HIV/Aids due to the fact that BetaHealth care continues to distribute and sell the same brand of condoms to unsuspecting public,” said Mr Omworo.

He also wants it declared that his consumer rights were violated, his right to information was denied and that his right to economic as well as social right to attain quality reproductive health has been threatened.

A Case of Mistaken Identity: Croatia President Mistaken For model in HOT Bikini Pictures

Posted on July 5, 2018 by Desiree Miller

Incase you have not been following the World Cup, Croatia is enjoying a great time in Russia! The South East European nation has pretty good chances thanks to its ‘golden generation’ of stars! They face hosts Russia in the quarter-finals this weekend!

Away from the pitch, the President of Croatia 46-year-old Kolinda Grabar-Kitarović; who is also the first woman President of Croatia is grabbing all the attention.

She reportedly travelled for the World Cup in the economy class like an ordinary fan…

… and didn’t watch the match from V.I.P section.

…and she went to the beach!

Hmmn…

Despite the striking resemblance, the bikini pictures are apparently photos of a model named Coco Austin, who is the wife of American rapper Ice-T. They were taken while the now 36-year-old Austin was on vacation with Ice-T way back in 2009.

Sorry folks!Come down! You were not born in the wrong country. Lol!

Ugandan Aircraft Innovator tries to test his homemade “chopper”, crashes

Posted on June 5, 2018 by Desiree Miller

30-year-old Joseph Nkaheza resident of Mwizi in Mbarara district is receiving treatment at Ruti Clinic following a crash in his home-made chopper around his home town on Mbarara-Kabale road.

Nkaheza, a primary seven dropout was reportedly testing the ‘chopper’ to see if it can fly. However, according to witnesses, the aircraft had taken flight a few feet off the ground when he failed to take full control of it hence crashing.

Nkaheza sustained injuries on his head and rushed to hospital where he is critical condition.

According to his close friends, its not the first time Nkaheza has crashed his plane. Last year he suffered a similar accident and fractured his hand.

Woman Kidnaps Herself to Test boyfriend’s Love

Posted on May 28, 2018 by Desiree Miller

Police in Kampala have arrested a 22-year-old woman for faking own kidnap as a way of testing her boyfriend’s love. Amina Mirembe made calls to her boyfriend James Mugoda claiming that she had been kidnapped by two men, who were asking for a Shs500,000 ransom on Sunday at 2am.

The boyfriend immediately reported a case at Ntinda Police Station and the anti kidnap teams swung immediately into action.

On failure to receive the intended ransom,Mirembe later sympathised with her boyfriend and called him saying she had been rescued by a police patrol vehicle.

However the security agencies in a bid to bring the reported case to a logical conclusion, tracked and found her lying on a bed, playing with her mobile phone with no sign of the alleged kidnappers at the scene.

Upon questioning the detectives found out that her statements were not coordinated given that no police patrol had been involved in any rescue.

Mirembe later admitted that she had made up the story because she thought another woman was interested in her boyfriend and she just wanted to see if he ‘truly cared about her’.

Mirembe is currently detained at Kira Road Police Station for giving false information and is to be arraigned before court.

South Sudan Presidential Advisor resigns after writing “six” as Sex”

Posted on May 2, 2018 by Desiree Miller

The world’s youngest nation, South Sudan faces several challenges including grammar! In a letter that is going viral, a South Sudan presidential advisor on security Hon. Tut Manime spelt six as ‘s3x’! Yes, you read right. Actually, he failed to spell amount of money in words in a document.

He spelt SSP 10,676, 337 as ‘Ten million s3x hundred seventy s3x thousands three hundreds thirty seven’.

Afande Kirumira Pays up 50k for Stolen Rolex

Posted on March 23, 2018 by Desiree Miller

At the beginning of this month, Assistant superintendent of police Muhammad Kirumira had so much going on for him. One of the days when he was set to appear in court one of the witnesses Joseph Bukenya told court that kirumira had stolen his rolex.

And just like that, all the other cases against the Police chief were cushioned. he was refered to keep calm until last Friday when he showed up for the One Musoga One chapati comedy show, at theatre Labonita.

The Afande asked to go on stage and among the things he said was, “They think i’m so broke that i cannot aford a rolex but they all know it is not true. I am paying 50,000 for the Rolex.”

This attracted cheers and the self proclaimed Mwooyo gwagwanga stayed true to his word and paid the 50k to the show host

Golola Moses pledges to Go back to school and start his music career this year

Posted on March 22, 2018 by Desiree Miller

Kick boxer Golola Moses is planning to hang his gloves at the end of this year. While addressing the press, he hinted at starting a music career. However, the media darling is also interested in pursuing education and finally settling down with a woman.

“ I want to go back to school and study. I will do all this after I have retired and also start a singing career. More so, I want to marry and settle down,” he said.

Unfulfilled pledge

When asked about kick-boxing, Golola cried out to President Museveni stating that the pledge he made to finance the ‘Golola Talent Academy’ has not been fulfilled.

“ I have never received the money you promised Mr. President and my plans got stuck because I have no money to pursue them,” he added.

Golola is known for his humorous personality and flamboyant showmanship traits which have helped him to popularise the sport of kickboxing in Uganda and helped him to gain a large fan following. He is the reigning kickboxing champion of East and Central Africa.

Ugandans amused by a British celebrity tagged as a “malaria Survivor”

Posted on March 15, 2018 by Desiree Miller

Did you know there is such as a thing as ‘Malaria survivor’? We know of cancer survivors, acid attack survivors, Cholera and Ebola survivors and the hustling folk who prefer to call themselves ‘Ndi Survivor’.

Ugandans were thrown into a frenzy when the U.S Embassy Kampala Facebook page shared a photo of a visiting British celebrity who apparently prides in being recognised as a malaria survivor.

“Today, Deputy Chief of Mission Colette Marcellin met with Charlie Webster, a UK television presenter, biker, and malaria survivor, who is in Uganda to meet people who are living on the frontlines of the malaria fight. USAID’s Malaria Action Program for Districts activity is supporting Ms. Webster’s work with the “Malaria Must Die – So Millions Can Live” campaign, which aims to raise awareness around global efforts to defeat malaria”, the post read.

Uganda is a tropical country with conducive climate for breeding of mosquitoes which spread malaria.

We should also start calling ourselves Flu and Cough Survivors.

#FinePeopleFromUganda challenge brings Out the hottest babes in the Diaspora

Posted on March 13, 2018 by Desiree Miller

A couple of Ugandans girls begun trending the hashtag #FinePeopleFromUganda on Twitter and boy did it blow up.

The girls pulled out all their best filtered pictures, Light and brows on fleek to show how surely Uganda is blessed.

However when the Ugandan girls that are currently living out of Uganda begun posting theirs, it was obvious their colleagues back home had been dethroned.

A one user @MaaniTheMenace tweeted this pick of “grownish” actor Yara Shahidi to fit in the thread. He however got busted when the actor herself retweeted the post saying “Hey Cousin”.

One of the most retweeted posts in #FinePeopleFromUganda

It was all fun and games as a couple of Ugandans girls begun trending the hashtag #FinePeopleFromUganda accompanied with pictures of themselves that they thought looked good. The girls pulled out all their best pictures, albeit with lots of filters and duck beaks.

However when the Ugandan girls that are currently living out of Uganda begun posting theirs, it was obvious their colleagues back home had been dethroned.

The girls were soon mocked by tweeps and as usual followed by hilarious memes.

Geno Eric tweeted, “#FinePeopleFromUganda this hash tag has made our babes in Kampala believe that beauty in the heart exists. Outward beauty is only for the basummer,”

Ubuntu: These people on #FinePeopleFromUganda must be from Uganda not this Uganda of ours…

Jeremiah: It’s like all the fine Ugandans stay abroad. What this Kampala kasana does to us, we can’t even compete

Sterln Mugumya: If you’re the half Rwandese type please wait for fine people from the boarder

Shaddy Boo Fan Account: #finepeoplefromuganda girls must be the Uganda where Besigye is president. Museveni’s Uganda, you will have your hashtag on Facebook on 1st April.

Doryneak: Either I’m living in a different Uganda or this hashtag is hacked… FINE people

@enywaru: After seeing those fresh babies on the #finepeoplefromuganda hashtag, I think I’m living in a different Uganda. I have never seen none of these people on le streets walayi.

@DianKwase: Going thru #FinePeopleFromUganda, and I could swear I’ve never seen the handles of all the fine ladies repping.

@ShadiaHamim: The only #FinePeopleFromUganda are like 3 and are all from abroad. Am logging out.

@Karungi: Which Uganda is this please?? These people look too good to be from this cowntry of ours #FinePeoplefromUganda

@phionapaige: As if all the #FinePeopleFromUganda live abroad. Submit if you must!

Lord Llorente: Fine ladies in the diaspora killing it on Twitter while MUBS slay Queens are yet to graduate from Facebook #FinePeopleFromUganda

@daniel_RNSD: Some people were still adding filters to their pictures only to see a stream of unedited pictures flying onto the #FinePeopleFromUganda hashtag. Just accept you weren’t ready for finer people than you and pocket your

@nasawali_phame: #FinePeopleFromUganda How about y’all attach copies of your National IDs & Birth Certificate for authenticity?

@LubangangeyoJ: #FinePeopleFromUganda your not that ugly ,your not just a musummer yet

Meanwhile, a number of men were also posting pictures but these were immediately told off as no one was interested in their pictures.

But Uganda has some fine exports Cheii!

Kenyan Man caught having sex with a cow Says girls have HIV

Posted on March 13, 2018 by Desiree Miller

A kenyan Man was on Sunday lynched by an angry mob after he was found having an unnatural act with a cow. Joseph Koech alias Mnandi, 25, was ambushed pants down at Tinet-Sawich village, Eldama-Ravine on Sunday morning.

He said he had been having sex with the cow because “most women have HIV”.

“Don’t kill me, let me surrender my piece of land to pay for the cow…I always have sex with the cow whenever I feel like because I fear girls might infect me with HIV,” Koech said before he was lynched.

He died at Eldama-Ravine level four hospital, where he was admitted.

Torongo location chief Edwin Ronoh said the man works as a casual labourer for a local saw miller at Sawich forest.

Ronoh said the family had been busy searching for their lost cow all morning in Sawich forest.

He said the suspect had tied the cow’s horns and rear legs on a tree to restrict her movement.

“I rushed to the scene with two AP officers to rescue the victim and we rushed him to Eldama-Ravine hospital but unfortunately he died shortly later,” the chief said.

The chief, on Monday, warned locals to stop taking the law into their hands.

“You should either report to the village elders, nearest chief or police station so that action is taken,” he said.

Man Evicts his wife from their house, says she is a tenant

Posted on March 12, 2018 by Desiree Miller

After living together for four years, a man in Gichiche village, Kenya stunned neighbours when he decided to evict his wife while referring her as “tenant”.

According to reports, a one David Kinyua served Juliet Karimi eviction notice stating that her grace period was long overdue.

Crazy World!

The stunned woman thus rejected to leave the home stating that she contributed to construction of the house and was equally a befitting owner. However, the husband went ahead and destroyed the house’s roof forcing the wife to report the matter to authorities.

When asked to explain his actions, David explained that a new tenant wanted to rent the place and was renovating the house.

Chinese Upgrade to Importing Sex. Ugandan Prostitutes need to pull up their socks.

Posted on March 5, 2018 by Desiree Miller

At the moment, Chinese Businesses have taken over Uganda and the Asians Know just how to make money. With free trade between the two countries, Uganda may as well change its name to a Chinese alias. But if you thought every Asian you see around is an “investor”, think again.

Where Chinese prostitutes stage
Unlike our “local prostitutes” that operate on streets and bars, the “Shanghai beauties” mostly operate in casinos around town. For starters, forget the small time gambling joints frequented by broke youths, city casinos is where the rich go to load off some weight; of their cash!

To play to their advantage, Shanghai beauties usually reside in hotel rooms nearby such places. This makes them accessible whenever called for romantic investment. Also, their much cheaper Ugandan competitors dread such place which offers the Chinese a ‘’free-trade zone’’.

Our source revealed that unlike Ugandan prostitutes that use boda-bodas for movements, Shanghai beauties have cars.
“They drive cars that range between Shs20m to Shs60m. Also just like Ugandans, they move in groups of six to 10, dressed in micro-miniskirts and high heels,” the source revealed.

How business is done
The source revealed two techniques which the Shanghai beauties employ to get business done. Firstly, they use ‘pimps’ who are usually fellow nationals who have been in the country for a long time. The pimps connect them to loaded men and also part with their connection fee off the “romantic investment”.

However, the daredevil ones go bare knuckles. They lounge in the casino pulling off seductive gestures; a body language that any man worth his manhood can decipher!
Our source revealed that these street-smart groups feign to be clients before parading themselves as fertile land to the loaded gamesters for romantic, tax free business.
“They come in the casino as customers but on mission of spotting heavy gamesters. They play machines and other games as they lay traps for men who desire pleasure,” he explained.

However, if China’s international human trafficking record is anything to go by, it seems not all these women are voluntarily in the sex trade. The US State Department’s Trafficking in Persons Report for 2015 listed China on its “Tier 2 Watch List” for countries with significant or increasing human trafficking volumes.

With several Chinese nationals with money in the country, the traffickers know that these men will need female species and they lure the girls to Africa with promises of jobs like being waitresses and secretaries only to force them into sex trade on arrival.

Charges
According to our source, the charges for their services depend on one’s bargaining power just like the usual ladies-of-the-night trade. Our source revealed that for a “short” they charge $100 (about365,000) and for full night service, the charges double.
“For a short, they charge a minimum of $100 (Shs365,000) but for a night the prices double,” said our source before adding that; “Besides the language barriers, such charges are the reason why most Ugandans fall off.”

Afande Kirumira Charged for eating a Rolex that wasn’t his

Posted on March 2, 2018 by Desiree Miller

Yes, Naguru Police tribunal charged Kirumira with abuse of office where he allegedly ate a rolex belonging to a one Joseph Bukenya. This was during his term of office at Nansana.

Well, Ugandans are very amused that eating a rolex is now criminal! Merely eating another person’s rolled eggs wrapped with chappati can be considered a crime! Surely, several criminals are on the loose for committing this offense!

“Seriously you should be kidding… Then after let’s expect others charges like fitting a police uniform from the normal size. God bless Uganda”, one Facebook user commented.

“Welcome to Uganda where eating is a crime”, one Moses Kivumbi stated.

Whatever your take on this matter, Police believes he has a case to answer!

Kirumira was also charged with taking a bribe of sh210,000 which he got from Ronald Kasagga (kinene) husband to musician Doreen Mutiibwa.

If you plan on eating any Rolex from Now on, make sure it belongs to you.

Azizi Magically and sugar mummy Mona-Lisa now begging for money from Bryan White

Crazy World!