5 Things We Learned From Ezekiel Kemboi’s New Bushman Hairstyle

It hasn’t always been clear that Ezekiel Kemboi is a serious man. He has a serious career (or jobs), of course, and he makes some serious decisions, but all too often that sense of gravitas has been undercut by a general air of cultivated chaos.

On top of it all, there’s the hair. Whatever is on top of his head receives roughly as much media attention as the rest of him.  It may seem a joke, yet in many ways his hairstyles are crucial to his success: a marketing masterstroke making him recognizable even at a squint. 

This August, as Kemboi stepped into the olympic podium to try and get gold again. It came as no surprise that he tried to do so with a new, earnest hair cut. After all, it was a big moment in his life; like a schoolboy nervously smartening up for the first day of term, the whole shebang called for a smartening up. But since then, things have gone south, he finished third, then retired, then got his bronze medal stripped off him for stepping out of the track line, then came out of retirement. How worse can things get for a once former champion?

It’s quite clear that the hair was the bad omen.

So, what can we learn about the man from his new look? Plenty, it turns out. Plenty. Here are five things.

Akili ni nywele

Ezekiel Kemboi proved to us all that the ancient Swahili wise men popularly known as wahenga were telling us facts when they said “Akili ni nywele”. How else can you explain why he stepped out of the track? The guy has been competing for over a decade and he knows the rules perfectly well. So is it a coincidence that when he shaved off the top part of his head, he forgot where he should be stepping and where he shouldn’t? I don’t think so

Policemen smoke weed too

Apart from being an athlete, Ezekiel Kemboi is a policeman by profession. If we’re going to be real and say things as they are, there is no way the guy settled on that hairstyle with a sane mind. He must have been high on weed. A lot of it.

He was probably streamlining, ready for attack, but it backfired

There may be scientific reason behind Kemboi’s madness. Since he is a long distance runner and the hair he had was likely to have slowed him down as he made his way through Rio’s tracks, he decided it was best to chop off the top part to allow wind to pass swiftly through. With a close crop, the new-look Kemboi felt he would be a sleek missile of a man, lighter and more aerodynamic – a dynamism that can only translate to his career trajectory, too. Sadly, it didn’t work out.

We need a hair regulation commission in Kenya

Ezekiel Kemboi isn’t the only man currently culpable of crazy hairstyles. There is a lot of hair fuckery  going on especially among members of the showbiz industry.   Looking like someone peed on your head is ever cool. We need to put an end to these hair experiments. We need a North Korea kind of leader who makes everyone shave their heads like him. Haha

Kemboi needs to fire his barber

You know when it’s time to fire your barber? When he cuts your hair to resemble the region you come from, a valley – The Rift valley. Hair on one side, hair on the other side and nothing in between.

There’s only so much you can do with your hair. When it comes to style, sometimes personal expression can go wrong. In the celebrity, hair often makes a statement that you’re trying to change the game or that you’re a boss running it. That doesn’t always mean it looks good.

There are times when haircuts go a little left and become straight-up ridiculous. Such are the times when you need to tell your barber….”Look man , it’s been real but I need to try something new.”