BREAKING NEWS: Larry Madowo Proposes Live On Air

They say love brings up emotions that run the gamut from agony to ecstasy. Love can inspire us to accomplish some of the craziest and most amazing feats. Luckily, some the world’s greatest artists, poets, musicians and hopeless romantics have managed to articulate the magic of love using words so simple and perfect,

Some have expressed love in the most unusual of places. Countless girls are waiting for their mate to pop the question, and countless guys are freaking out over how they will ask. Not Larry Madowo though. That’s right. It came as a huge surprise when Kenya’s most popular journalist proposed live on air. Who ever thought that the man who said he’s not dating or planning to date any time soon could pull off such a boss move? No one. If you did, you need to start a new career as a prophet or betting consultant.

Of late, Kenyan celebrities have embraced the trend of surprise weddings and proposals, but no one ever imagined that the latest inductee into the ‘Hall of Matrimonial Bliss’ would be one Larry Madowo

I tried to reach the guy and surprisingly this time, he was more than willing to pick up the phone. On normal occasions, he usually ignores calls from Ghafla employees

Me: Hello Larry, this is Etemesi from Ghafla. Congratulations. How do you feel right now?

Larry Madowo: I feel great. I have re-invented proposals. I have set a new trend. Who better to set a new trend than the host of The Trend?  In the past few years, the pressure has built up for guys to propose to their would-be fiancées in new and creative ways. That’s not bad– who doesn’t love a challenge? But sometimes that means proposing in a public manner, and sometimes, no matter how awesome your proposal is, she might say no. So I decided to do it on my own turf, which is the studio. Luckily for me, she said a big YES

Me: Yea…true. Most Kenyan girls would say yes to Larry Madowo anyway.

Larry: *Hangs up the phone*

Anyway, I am happy for him for finding a woman worth spending the rest of his life with. I often refer to marriage-worthy women as Leprecorns because they’re so rare in Kenya nowadays. It’s like finding the offspring of two mythical creatures.

Sources close to Larry claim that his new fiancé is the perfect woman. She’s Kikuyu too (Yea..everyone s marrying Kikuyu women nowadays). And she is darkskin. So all you lightskin babes can shut it and cry with your teddy bears for being ignored by one of the greats once again.

By the way, have you ever noticed that it’s the beta herbs and guys who are not known to be good with women that always seem to find the marriageable ladies, while players like Prezzo keep dating the same old skanks and getting old without settling down? That’s because players suffer from selection bias, which means they only pursue women that are interested in quick sex. As a result, their view of the opposite gender becomes skewed. I fear I might be in that category. I need to get out and propose soon like Larry

So yeah, last Friday on the Trending Topics segment of The Trend, Larry proposed to panelist Ciru Muriuki that Kenyans should leave people’s marriages alone. This was after bloggers had shamelessly scrutinized the past of Bob Collymore’s new wife Wambui Kamiru. And guess what? Ciru agreed. She said YES. She said that Kenyans indeed need to stop doing that. Who said anything about him getting down on one knee and popping a ring? Not me. He proposed an idea. Not marriage. I don’t agree with him but let’s wait and see what Larry will propose next Friday.

Did this breaking news break your heart? Don’t worry. Take a break and watch out for more broken news in a few weeks time.

 

Note: This is a satire article. Etemesi shall not be held responsible for any feelings caught by the reader