CABU GAH DIARIES: Just Like Prezzo,Here Are 10 Kenyan Celebrities Who Can Definitely Reach the BBA Finals. Or Even Win The Cash Prize!!
Sabina has been axed. Huddah was thrown out after a week. Teddy Muthusi was kicked out after 16 Minutes. And the others…ummm,Who are they again?? Well,they were knocked out even before they could use the Big Brother House urinals.
Big Brother is tricky business. Slimy,sneaky,tricky business. To win,it appears that You must be very astute…And smart..and calculating…and strategic…and captivating…and intriguing and alluring and infatuating.
Since its inception,it appears that Kenyans are never really made for Big Brother. Either we are a tad too boring,too lethargic…Or we just never really pick the right people to represent us as the Housemates. Or maybe,We actually do present very interesting characters but Africa never really sways towards them.
But Wait…Kenya produced Prezzo,Right?? Right. Great. And there is never a dull moment in Prezzo’s life. He is the King Of Bling,duh??? Any King is bound to draw attention,capture crowds and command an audience. And Sir Prezzo does a seamless job when it comes to that.
Prezzo is the epitome of FASCINATING. You can watch Prezzo take a dump and still find something interesting about it. Prezzo is The Ultimate Entertainer. And with a life riddled with as many Women and testosterone as Prezzo’s is,Well,Welcome to Hollywood.
Tha Entertainer Per Excellence just walked into tha Building. And,That’s How Kenya found herself in the BBA Finals. Because of King Jackson Makini.
So which other Kenyan Celebrities have the kind of allure,charm,glamor and enchantment that Prezzo possesses?? Well,Lets take a look.
1.Shaffie Weru.
Shaffie is the Prezzo of Radio. And of the Media. No other Male Radio personality is as scandalous and attention-pulling and captivating as King Shaffie. Famous for his wild,hedonistic parties,feral womanizing,carefree lifestyle,penchant for the high life and brash attitude Shaffie would be just the ticket we needed to catapult us to BBA stardom. Hey,BBA honchos,give Shaffie a chance!
2. Ian Mugoya.
He’s smooth. Smooth on TV…Smooth with the ladies…smooth with the fashion and smooth at the looks game. Ian would surely ensnare the ladies…with his bedeviling looks and enchanting female-captivating skills. Africa would vote for Ian. And if not Africa,atleast the African Ladies. And that’s enough.
3. Kalekye Mumo.
She can be rambunctious…And loud and hilarious and dramatic. Doesn’t Africa LOOOOVE such characters?? Africa does. Africa would also save Kalekye Mumo for her body…And we all know Kalekye HAS A BODY. A well-documented body. A thick,enticing body. The exact type that Africa Loves….Thick,African and Phat. Kalekye would surely win the male vote. Oh,plus she can sing! Yeaaaaaaaay! Added advantage.
4. Mike Sonko.
I don’t need to say why. I don’t need. You all know why. Even the cockroaches in Bifwoli Wakoli’s bed know why. Mike Sonko would win the $3000,000 cash prize and distribute it all to the Big Brother organizers. Biggie would get 40 bob Only tho. Haha.
5. STL
Bad Girl Number One. Girl who isn’t afraid of her roots…Girl who isn’t afraid of her vernacular. Girl who loves rockin’ African prints…Girl who can actually rap. And drop some real sick bars. Girl who cut her hair short. And Girl who loves her whiskey. Reaaaaallly Loooooves her Whiskey. You can never go wrong with STL. Uh-Uh,No. Bad Girl will bring tha dollar$$ home. And make it rain on Kimathi Street.
6.Angeline Wanjeri.
Nigeria loves loudmouthed Girls. Actually,Nigeria is populated with a crippling populace of the noisiest Women Africa ever produced. And we all know that if Nigeria loves You,Africa Loves You. And,ummmm,If Nigeria votes for You,well,You are as good as a winner. I mean,Nigeria’s population is close to 16 Billion. Without counting women and children. And wannabe Movie stars.
7. Anne Kansiime.
Wait…where does Kansiime come from?? Kenya?? Uganda?? Youtube?? I get confused here….
8. Sanaipei Tande.
A woman who has no qualms getting so sensuously semi-nude and amorous in a steamy Music Video is the stuff that BBA is made of. Earlier this Year,Sanaipei blessed us with what I would call accurate fap material; A Music video that depicts her in various stages of undress…that artfully shows her erotic legs…A video that leads her into her bathtub…to show us how she gets down..And lathers that soap allover her titillating self. Surely,If a 3-Minute video could work sooooo much wonders among Kenyan Men,Imagine how 90 days of being in a voyeuristic house would do to ALL AFRICAN MEN. Sana would hog all the Male votes. With those legs….aiiiiiii,She has to!
9. Ephy Saint.
Actor,Model and nudist. Concentrate on the Nudist part. But wait,I am not really sure that would work for him. Africa hates Nudity. But that Body??? Wouldn’t the ladies TOOOOOOTALLY LOVE it?? Hmmmm,I am seriously Not sure how this guy ended up here. Sorry.
10. Victoria Kimani
Miss Vicky is already a huuge name all across Africa. Heck,she even gets name-dropped by top Nigerian singers. And Trust Me,If You are known by the Big Boys of Naija,You are BIG! Bamboo’s little sister is a shocker…From her blue hair to her cultivatedly embellished eyes to her tasteful figure to her fastidious buxom and her scintillating voice,Victoria Kimani would be a sure bet. She’d slay the Men with her absolute sexiness…And win the women with her genuine sweetness. And amiable nature. Give a girl a chance now-o! Go,Vicky,Go!
Eeeeeeeeeeer,that was MY LIST. You had a better one?? Go ahead,share it!
