CABU GAH DIARIES: So You think You can Model??? Naaah. Sit Down,Baby Girl. You’re just pretty.

So You think You can model??? Naaaah. Sit down and have some coffee. Baby please. There is more to modelling than Your pretty little face.

We are in the Official Modelling Season. Tiaras and Crowns are being dished out left,right and center like USAID freebies in the Daadab Refugee Camp.

So many titles are up for grabs…Miss Tourism Kenya….Miss Kenya…Miss World Kenya…Miss County…Miss Blah Blah Blah…Miss Congeniality. Miss Confidence…Miss I-am-getting-sick-of-this-madness!

Last time I checked,Modelling was ACTUALLY an Art. An art that CAN and SHOULD ONLY be executed by people who are actually TALENTED. Not just any random pretty girl with some random Brazilian human hair and randomly-assembled makeup.

Modelling has evolved…Real much. From the glorious days when the Iconic Alek Wek would be picked from the streets of Crystal Palace in London to super stardom…From the days when Somali-born Supermodel Iman was picked from the University of Nairobi and taken to America to try modelling by talent scout Peter Beard.

Modelling has come a long,arduous road. Nowadays,Models are NO LONGER getting “discovered” in the streets…Or Schools…Or potato farms…Or dingy bars or Car parks.Like it used to be.

Models are being manufactured. Auditions s are announced….Girls show up in droves…A handful are picked and,after some 3 months-or weeks-of bootless coaching,they are launched to the World as Miss This-and-That. NONSENSE!

In the past weeks,I have had occasion to attend a handful MODELLING events….Among them,I have witnessed the crowning of Miss World Embu and the procedure to pick the Miss Tourism Nairobi Finalists at Cubano Club,Donholm.

Also,I have been following up on these shows every Wednesday Night on NTV.

And what I have seen…What I have witnessed…As far as the models are concerned,is painful. And wanting. And drab.

90% of the girls walking down that catwalk CANNOT even CAT WALK!

I saw girls wobbling down the path…With disjointed high-heels and lanky,unstable creaking legs.I watched others stumble and fall…Watched others totally massacre the classic modelling pose and smile so poorly they looked like teen genocide survivors at a UN camp.

I watched some girls teeter down the walkway…And falling…Watched others struggling to walk in their ill-fitting borrowed high-heels…Watched others offer the most moronic answers to a slew of questions asked to them. And I had mercy on them.

All of this I actually DON’T blame on the ambitious girls. But on their handlers and trainers…Some of whom are only there for the Money. Or exploiting the Girls.

Modelling has totally consumed the Kenyan Female Youth. Half of the Young Women in the room You are reading this article in right now want to be MODELS.

I see them daily…On Social Networks…On Facebook and Instagram and WhatsApp…Posting a cache of photos…striking a gazzilion poses and changing outfits like a Beyonce show in Bucharest.

I see them…In their multitudinous photos…smiling so broadly and striking so many different poses..Posting so many selfies…It looks like a Marie Claire Magazine Cover Festival.

Kenyan Girls have been totally and absolutely consumed by the seemingly-glamorous World of Modelling. They want to walk down the Catwalk…They want to change outfits and smile and pose and flip back their hair and catwalk and pose for a thousand blinding shutters of Camera flashes.

Its a Life they are dying to live. A fetish they are killing to fulfill. And it is sickening!

NOT EVERY GIRL CAN BE A MODEL! No,Not Every Girl.

Oh,so You have a pretty face??? Awwww. Oh,so You have some type of smile??? Great! And Oh,so You can afford clothes from Mr.Price?? Perfect! But No,THAT DOESN’T MAKE YOU a MODEL. It makes You an ATTRACTIVE Girl. Modelling is a TALENT. Not Smirnoff Guarana.

There is MORE to modelling than a simple pretty face….And whatever name we should give to that hair You got.

Modelling takes more than that shoe,Baby Girl. It takes more than Your Iphone. Or TECNO Phantom Camera megapixels. It takes more,Baby Girl. More than Your Instagram account. Or photo-editing App.

Quit dreaming. And assuming You can all of a sudden conquer the Glorious World of Naomi Campbell. Or Ajuma Nasenyana.

None of the SUPERMODELS we have today even knew they were meant for the Modelling Super-stardom. None of them! They were all discovered…In the streets or markets or schools…Because their unique physical features stood out.

But 90% of the “Kenyan Models” are a simple regular bunch of pretty light-skinned girls with NO single knowledge of what it actually takes to hack the gritty World of Modelling.

What we have today is a sorry bunch of college-going kids…With a sexy smile and a nice little black dress. What we have is a clueless bunch of fame-hungry kids…With what they believe is the perfect body and charm.

SIT DOWN,Girl. And do Your Homework!

95% of these Modelling Wannabees running around this Country with a little silver crown on their heads don’t even know who Tyra Banks is. Or Gisele Bundchen. Or Cindy Crawford. Or Linda Evangelista. Or Rebecca Ayoko. Or Liya Kebede. Or Ajak Deng. Or Betty Adewole.

All they want is quick fame…A quick title…And popularity…And maybe some money.

They DON’T even have a cause dear to their hearts that they support. Or any feeling of community service inspiration. Unlike the Models of yore.

Its getting tasteless. And disgusting.

I am sick and tired of seeing pretty girls who cant even catwalk or talk or pose or model or smile running up and down…parading themselves in front of a bar of judges…expecting to be crowned MISS WHEREVER. Just because they are beautiful. Or blah blah blah.

It takes more than Your light skin to be a MODEL,Baby Girl.

Your Skin also matters…so does Your jawbone,Your intelligence,wit,drive,body features,height,authenticity,exoticity,gait,talent,demeanor,countenance,courage,bone structure with a symmetrical and angular face,good posture,weight ,charm and being photogenic.

Quit fooling Yourselves. And fooling us too!

Walking the catwalk is totally DIFFERENT from appearing in a Kimbo advert. Decide what kind of Model You want to be! Because I am tired of these Instagram Miss-so-and-so kids…Who wouldn’t even define what Modelling means!

Physical Beauty seems to be all we care about. And thats why Miss Kakamega Idah Nakova was so terribly dissed last Year…For being “Ugly” according to some. Until she went through a make-over. And everyone agreed SHE WAS SUPERMODEL material.

I am tired! Please STOP Giving a profession as consummate as Modelling a bad name.

All the Best in Your endeavors,though….But You MUST take it a little more seriously. And professionally.

                                                        The “Ugly” Miss Kakamega BEFORE the Makeover.

                                                      The Beautiful Miss Kakamega AFTER the Makeover.