CABU GAH DIARIES: These are The Kings and Queens of Kenya’s Entertainment Industry. You better Bow Down!
An honorific title is a word or expression with connotations conveying esteem or respect when used in addressing or referring to a person. And these titles can also be found in Pop music World over. Honorific nicknames in popular music are often religious, familial,or (most frequently) royal and aristocratic in nature and are used as a form of expression in the media, or to identify the significance of an artist by fans.
Honorific titles are applied to a performer or Celebrity either by : the Media, Fellow Celebrities, Fans, Critics or By themselves. The titles include “Father” “King” “Queen” “Godfather” ‘Mother” “Prince” “Princess” ‘First Lady” “God” or ‘Goddess”.
For instance Michael Jackson is the KING OF Pop. Gloria Gaynor is the QUEEN Of Disco. Britney Spears is the PRINCESS Of Pop. Madonna is the QUEEN Of Pop. Mahalia Jackson is the QUEEN Of Gospel. Aretha Franklin is the QUEEN Of Soul. James Brown is the GODFATHER Of Soul. Elvis Presley is the KING Of Rock. And so on and so forth.
One title can be shared by more than one performer…For instance,Beyonce,Lady Gaga,Madonna,Christina Aguilera and Rihanna have all been referred to as QUEEN OF POP by various critics,media outlets and showbiz stakeholders.
So,WHO ARE the Kings,Queens,Princes,Princesses,Gods and Godfathers of Kenya’s Entertainment Industry?? To compile them,I have looked at their Experience in the Industry, Their star power, their entertainment stats, their originality, their expertise at a particular field and their mastery and adeptness in that particular field.
This list is PURELY MY LIST. Cabu Gah’s List. I may not be 100% correct. But I have tried to remain as neutral, as factual and as reliable as possible in the compilation.
Good…Now FOLLOW ME to the KINGDOM OF the GREATS!
And DON’T FORGET to remove Your shoes….The People You are about to meet are GREAT. TOO GREAT.
KINGDOM: RADIO.
QUEEN-Caroline Mutoko. Everyone knows who the Queen of Radio is. EVERYONE. Including the rats in Your grandmother’s granary. She copped that title 10 Years ago. And will never let it go. NEVER!
KING– MZAZI WILLY M TUVA. Half of Kenya listens to his critically-acclaimed Afternoon show on Citizen Radio,Mseto East Africa. Rumor has it that his salary is higher than Homa Bay’s annual County Budget. Go to any Kenyan village today,ask them who they listen to,and “Mzazi” is all You will hear. Plus half of East Africa’s Musicians owe their career to him. Bow Down to the King. Bow Down!
PRINCESS: Mwalimu Rachael…Homeboyz Radio’s Freshest,swankiest,sweetest and bubbliest Voice….She commands a huge audience for her Homeboyz show Class 1-4. And commands a super loyal fanbase.
PRINCE: Shaffie Weru. No argument about that. I repeat,No argument about that!
KINGDOM: TELEVISION.
QUEEN: Julie Gichuru. Classy,elegant,witty,influential and graceful. Some of the many adjectives that can be used to describe Julie. A woman severally named as one of Africa’s Most Powerful Women. Go,Julie,Go.
KING: Jeff Koinange….He has been smoooooooooooooooooooking HOT! Since 2007,when he joined Mediamax-owned TV station,K24. His style,presence,accent,command and maverick skills are wayy tooo hot. Wayyy tooo HOT! Someone pass Me the Extinguisher! Quick!
PRINCESS: Lilian Muli. Ok…Ok…What do I say here??? And why didn’t I put up my crush Sophie Wanuna here?? Because I am a professional. That’s why.
PRINCE: Larry Madowo. I don’t even know why Larry is NOT the King…But its only a matter of time. This kid is HOT. Like seriously hot! I mean,No other Kenyan show has the kind of audience that #theTrend commands. Plus his TV hosting skills? Unparalleled.
KINGDOM: GENGE…
KING: Jua Caaaaaaaaaaali! He created Genge! Yes,He and Him alone. And he is the reason why Mejja even has a career. It stared with a lazy song “Ruka” and to this day,He is one of the MOST sought after performers Nationally. His relevance has never faded. Never! Long Live the King!
GODFATHER: Nonini. Also a Genge Pioneer,Nonini actually baptized himself the Godfather. And,truly, He is. No one disputed. He is Tha Godfather. And forever will be. Amen and Amen.
PRINCE: Mejja. Jimwat could have easily claimed the title Prince. But,No, He stopped being relevant before Ghafla was born. So,Kudos Mejja. You’re still holding it down. Although 80% of the music You’ve been putting out of late is, to me,absolutely unbearable.
KINGDOM: HIPHOP.
KING: Abass Kubaff. Or Jerry Doobiez. No arguments about this! DONT EVEN START! Abass has been doing this for the last 20 Years! Before Willy Paul was born. Or Bahati. His rhymes are sicker than a whole Ebola concentration camp. Best Hiphop lyricist. Best Rapper. Best MC in the Game. And he is still relevant. 20 Years down the line! He is Kenya’s Nas. LONG LIVE,King Abass! Thou art Great!
QUEEN: Nazizi. She claimed this title 10 Years ago. And,No,she will NEVER give it up! NEVER! Queen Forever! And ever!
PRINCESS: The One and Only Wangechi. Beautiful,smooth,smart,gifted,slick,witty,bold and fresh. Nazizi,Watch Out! This Girl is coming For Your Crown. And Everyone Else’s Crown. Bow Down,Bitches!
KINGDOM: DISS TRACKS. BEEF HIPHOP.
KING: Chiwawa. You DO NOT want to mess with Chiwawa. I repeat,You DO NOT want to mess with Chiwawa. This Nigga can diss You so bad Your Mother will disown You. And make Your Girlfriend question why she ever loved You. Go slow on this Ninja. Please do. You’re warned!
KINGDOM: SOCIALITES.
Queen: Vera Sidika. Or Vee S Beiby. No one does it like Vera! NO ONE! She makes the rest of Kenyan “socilaites’ look like watoto wa nursery. Money? Check. Beauty? Check. Ass? Check. Glamour? Check. Swag? Check. Allure? Check. Charm? Check. Damn,SHE GOT IT ALL! Long Live Vee S Beiby!
PRINCESS: Huddah Monroe. Most Beautiful Woman in East Africa…so sweet,comely,adorable,likable,sexy,cute and so sweet You could eat her up. And that smile…Awwwww. One little Princess. Our little Princess.
KINGDOM: POP
KING: Nameless. Besides Wyre,Nameless is the only other Kenyan Musician that seems to be popular all across Africa. From Nigeria to South Africa to Congo to Tanzania to Ghana. They all have heard of Nameless. And love his Music. Uliza Flavour….He’s been in the Industry for almost 20 Yeras. And is still as relevant as ever! Damn!
QUEEN: Amani. I don’t know what to say about Amani. I seriously don’t. Honestly,I am NOT even her fan. And i’d rather contract Ebola than be locked in a small room playing Amani’s music. But Hey,She is the Queen! Come what may!
PRINCESS: Avril. Again,I have NOTHING positive to say about her. And her music?? Cant stand it! But Hey,she da Princess,You Know!
KINGDOM: : DANCEHALL
KING(1): Wyre. Everyone knows that. Including My unborn child.
KING(2): Redsan. Just like Beyonce and Rihanna and Katy Perry and Lady Gaga share the Queen of Pop title,so does Wyre and Redsan share the KING OF DANCEHALL title. And if You ask Me,Redsan is actually wayyyyyyyy better than Wyre. But then again,Wyre is wayyyyy tooo hot,too relevant,too happening,too everywhere and too international. So,Here we have NO King or Prince. They are BOTH KINGS!
KINGDOM: GOSPEL
KING: Daddy Owen. He is the King of Kapungala. And King of Hit songs. And King of Catchy Beats. And King of Endorsements. And King of Charisma. And King of Money. And King of Gospel. Uko na swali????
QUEEN: Esther Wahome. She is the reason we have Emmy Kosgei. And also the reason we have Jimmy Gait. Both of whom call her MOTHER. Respect Your Mothers,the Bible Says. Esther has been doing this for decades. And is still fresh and beautiful and hot. Just like 1994..When she started. All hail the Queen!
PRINCE: Bahati. Oh so sweeeet Bahati.
KINGDOM: ACTING
KING: There are too many Kings here…Ken Ambani,Raymond Wafula,Mzee Ojwang,Mwala,Ondiek nik’akwota,Papa Shirandula…Man,I cant decide who is King here. I just cant! Its sacrilegious.
QUEEN: Mwakamzee Mwatela. Most respected Actress in the game. Most respected. No questions about that.
PRINCE: Nick Mutuma. Am I a fan?? NO.Does he deserve the title??? Absolutely. If I was a woman,I would start gushing about his “looks”,but now that I am a dude,His looks don’t mean shit to me.
GODMOTHER: Mama Kayai. She’s been doing this from the 70’s. And is still doing it to date. NO ONE does it like the Good Ol’ Mama. No one!
KINGDOM: DANCE
KING: Kanda King. Yup,he is.
QUEEN: Toxic. Why is she on this list?? I have NO idea. But then again,there is NO other credible female dancer in Kenya. However,Toxic has so far quit dancing and now spends her time raising her son and repenting her past sins to God. Either way,she is still Tha Queen.
KINGDOM: RATCHETNESS
KING: Blaqy. He gave You the song “Shake What Your Mama Gave Ya” and a video featuring the Bootylicious Risper Faith. Kenya has NEVER recovered from watching that video. NEVER!
QUEEN: Some ka-socialite I wont name. Hehe
KINGDOM:BALLING—MONEY. (MAKING IT RAIN)
KING: Jaguar. Damn! Jaguar got more money than Burundi’s Annual GDP. Nigga makes it rain harder than flash floods in Budalang’i. All he does is pour Money…anywhere and everywhere. Plus he parties with the Mightiest and Most Powerful people on the Land. Wayyyy toooo much Money. Baller,NUMBER ONE! Salute to tha King!
QUEEN: I hate to announce to You that Vera Sidika is about to appear on this list…AGAIN! And, Yes,she has! Vera has Money. Imagined or real,It doesn’t matter. No woman balls harder than Queen Vera. Girl got money. Real,cold money. She balls like a Mexican Drug lord.
KINGDOM: SOCIAL MEDIA
KING(FACEBOOK): I want to put my name in there…I really do…But I don’t know how to do this without offending Churchill.. Ok…I will leave that open. For You to judge for Yourselves. But,are You sure there is No way I can fix my name here?? 100% sure?? Without seeming biased??? Are You sure??? Haha.
KING(TWITTER): SOMA Awards is happening on the 3rd of October. Ngojeni mtaambiwa.
KINGDOM: FASHION.
KING: First and foremost,I know NOTHING about Fashion. Absolutely NOTHING. So You can choose to jump this category…But still,I feel that the King should be Ian Mugoya. Correct Me if I am wrong.
QUEEN: Sharon Mundia of This is Ess. I have a crush on Sharon. But that doesn’t mean I made her Queen because of the crush. Sharon is the MOST Beautifully dressed Woman in Kenya. Even the goats in Loitoktok know that.
KINGDOM: CONTROVERSY
KING: Robert Alai. I wont add anything on that. I just won’t. Robert is the Boss of Attention. And he does a pretty good job.
QUEEN: Good Lord….I hate to announce another disturbing thing to You…that Vera Sidika is about to make a THIRD appearance on this article! Well…she already has! Queen of Controversy?? Queen Vera. Don’t ask me why. You already know.
GODMOTHER: Toxic. Before Vera was born,there was a woman who invented the word “Controversy” Her name?? Toxic. The Dancer.
KINGDOM: BANDS.
KINGS: Sauti Sol. Sauti Sol are NOT only the BEST BAND in Kenya,But also the Best Band in Africa! Best Best Best Best! No one can eclipse them. No one! Not even Mafikizolo. No one!
GODFATHERS: Kayamba Africa. Most popular and widely-beloved Authentic Kenyan Band. Kayamba Africa has played in 90% of all Kenyan Weddings. All Hail,Kayamba!
KINGDOM: ENTERTAINMENT JOURNALISTS.
KING: Smitta Smitten. I dont need to add a thing. Smitta is Tha King. And forever will be!
QUEEN: Ummmmm…..No idea. Too tricky.
KINGDOM: AFRO-FUSION
KING: Eric Wainaina. Also the Overall King of Kenyan Music.
QUEEN: Suzanna Owiyo. She has performed for Everyone. Allover the World. Performed for Oprah Winfrey too…Nothing screams Queen than that! Nothing!
PRINCESS: Della. Or Nina Ogot. Its a tie here.
PRINCE: Anto Neo Soul. And everyone say AMEN.
KINGDOM: COMEDY
KING: Eric Omondi. I know,I know…Many of You expected Churchill…But kuweni wapole. For Me,Eric takes this one. Hands Down. He has recently held two very powerful solo Comedy shows titled “Untamed” performing on stage to thousands of comedy lovers at Carnivore. For close to 2 Hours! Alone! And still is the most sought after comedian by Corporates in Kenya. He is Tha Almighty King!
QUEEN: There is NO QUEEN here. And we may NEVER have one. Ever!
PRINCE: Sleepy. He’s popping. He’s downright hilarious. He’s witty. He is painfully cheeky.
GODFATHER: Churchill. Or Mwalimu King’ang’i. Churchill is MORE than a King. Churchill is a GOD. A Godfather. He is the reason 99% of Kenya’s comics have a career. He made the KING OF Comedy,Eric. He is the BEST in the Game. Best,Best Ever. He is the GOD. Of Comedy. Bow Down. And remove thy shoes….Churchill is the Greatest of them All. Infact,Churchill is THE FATHER OF ALL KENYAN Entertainment! Yes,I said it! Kill Me Now.
I have said too much already,right???
Is there a category I have left out??? Lemmi know. For now,those are THE KINGS AND QUEENS up in this Bitch! Bow down to them!
