CABU GAH DIARIES: This Girl SHOULD STOP calling herself a Socialite! Please! Tafathali! Hii Kitu si Ya Kila Mtu Banaaaa!
Socialites. A title that has permeated the Kenyan psyche with so much force and resolution. Well, We have accepted it. And accepted them. But NO, Not Everyone is welcome to this exclusive club of the Socialites. Not Everyone! Please.
In 2012,the Word SOCIALITE was a totally alien word to much of the Kenyan blogosphere. Or Public. Until Pop Group P-UNIT did their much-lampooned and yet Award-winning smash hit ‘YOU GUY’.
After the You Guy video was released, A Socialite was born. Her name was Vera Sidika. And, along with it, a profession called SOCIALITE was born too.
Vera,automatically, became the Official Brand Ambassador for Brand Socialites. She opened the floodgates for the proliferation of tens of glamour-seeking Young Nairobi Women who all rushed to be identified as Socialites.
Blogs took off with the stories…reporting day in, day out about this select group of Women whose audacity, antics, actions and fame-hunting stunts shocked and appalled many.
The supposed glamorous and enchanting life of the so-called Socialites allured many Young Nairobi Women who would waste NO time in baring it all,going nude and posting some of the most outrageous photos seen on Social Media.
They appeared to live the enviable Hollywood Life; Complete with designer bags, foreign trips, daily mentions on blogs, paparazzi stalking and thousands of curious social Media followers.
This covetable lifestyle sucked many into it…Including Angel Maggy,Risper Faith,Corazon Kwamboka,Eva Saida,Alicia,Pendo,Toxic,Maura Malanga,Bridgit Shighadi,Lucy Muturi,the petite Vanessa Chettle among many unmemorable others.
Some of the above-mentioned characters went ahead to carve out quite a decent(Is it possible to use the word ‘decent’ and ‘socialite’ in the same sentence??) career.
Others fell off the radar so hard and so bad that it will take 2,000 Years for them to ever rise to the Top again.
Here,I am talking Eva Saida,whose tawdry nude pics were plastered all over Kenyan Blogs. And Maura Malanga,whose horribly-executed twerk videos wouldn’t even excite a sleeping pig. Oh,and Pendo-the Official Celebrity Groupie.
Other Socialites managed to navigate the tricky waters quite seamlessly. And managed to emerge as the crème-de-la-crème of this salacious industry. Here we are talking Vera Sidika and the sumptuous Huddah Monroe.
And as the whole Socialite brouhaha continued to sweep across this Country like a Caribbean typhoon,Another Girl-Or Woman-was also caught up in the phenomena. And decided to give the whole thing a shot.
Her name was Judy Anyango. And Judy, fooled by her big butt and penchant for cheap BestLady Weaves, decided to plunge her hefty self into the Socialite ring.
Quickly and swiftly, Judy tottered to the nearest Photo Studio and to take what she believed were professional photos. And with the same gusto and zeal, Judy rushed to Facebook and opened a PAGE(Yes,Page!) in which she unleashed her barrage of tatty photos.
Her fans (How did she get ANY??) wasted NO time in telling her off and suggesting that she needed to buy better shoes…Get a better weave…Get a better photographer…Find a better studio…Drop that skirt…Change her whole wardrobe…etc etc.
Judy wouldn’t hear NONE OF THAT! She developed some Rhino-thick skin and,in typical Socialite fashion,would jump onto the comment section of her tawdry Photo updates to tell off her “Haters”,to talk tough and to throw around a few poorly-cobbled curse words.
Poor Girl.
Her selfies were WORSE. And her smile revealed the true hassles of a really struggling woman.
Judy wouldn’t stop. And,to this minute, hasn’t stopped.
Her convictions were strong…SHE WAS SOCIALITE MATERIAL. Nothing would change Judy’s mind. Her quest to dethrone Vera Sidika was real.
And in almost all her photos, she attempted ,disastrously, to cut the classic Vera poses…In studios and classy hallways and in cars-borrowed or otherwise.
Needless to say,It failed. Spectacularly.
Listen Up,Judy Girl….This Industry is NOT a public washroom…where You simply walk in and walk out. NO. This Industry is probably the toughest and the meanest Industry in the Entertainment World.
It calls for 101% PERFECTION. Yes,It does.
It is an unforgiving and punishing Industry that focuses on feeding the eyes of thousands of spectators EVERYDAY.
It is a Beauty-oriented Industry. A fickle, image-driven industry, where,to survive,You MUST first appeal to a very judgemental group of Eyes.
Your image game must be ON TOP. And Your appearance MUST be 1000% acceptable.
In this Industry,there is NO ROOM for faulty shoes,or ratchet dresses, or crappy smiles,or shoddy make-up,or village photo poses or tired looks. Naaah,Baby. Naah.
You either bring on Your A Game. Or Go Home!
And NO, Having a big butt is NOT an automatic ticket to the Kingdom called Socialites. An ass is just an added advantage. Not the premier prerequisite.
Actually,sometimes You DON’T even need the goddam ass! I mean,Socialites like Vanessa Chettle are doing great and she doesn’t even have a body! Leave alone an ass!
It’s a tough game outchea,Darling. And Your Gikomba dresses and Ngara shoes just wont work.
There is soooooo much You need to change. Soo much! This Industry has room ONLY for the MOST GLAMOROUS. Not just any other big butt fame-hungry character.
Heck,If big asses were the ultimate ticket to stardom, Every girl in Kisumu County would be a Socialite right about Now!
Judy,You want to entertain Us?? Well,You MUST Work Hard. Harder. Hardest.
So Far,All You are doing is outraging us. And nauseating us. And Hurting us! STOP! JUST STOP! Please! And find a better Hobby….I suggest swimming. For a start.
BELOW are more photos documenting Judy’s treacherous Socialite career. Go through them and let Me know what You think of them. Yes,Let Me know whether I am right or Wrong. But I know I am Right. 100%!
No Way!!!!!!!!!!! Noooooooo Freaking Way! Nimekataa! Click HERE to view more of Judys Anyango’s Photos. And join Me in advising her. Please do.
Hii maneno Ya Socialite sio Ya kila Mtu Banaaa! Judy,Its time to hang Your boots. And come back in 2017,Alongside all Political Rejects.
