CABU GAH DIARIES:Nigerian Music,Nigerian Men,Nigerian Culture, Nigerian Movies. Wait,Am I in Nairobi or Lagos??? I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!!
Its Official. We have been colonized! Not by the spiteful white supremacists,But by a calculating,smart Nigerian Cultural Army! Our Independence has been robbed! We are now A NIGERIAN COLONY! We are Under Naijamania.
Have You been feeling like a Nigerian lately?? I have. I have had to stop in the streets of Nairobi to check the signposts again…to re-read the billboards again…to take a keen look at the Nairobi skyscrapers again….Just to confirm that I,indeed,Am in Nairobi. The Good Old Nairobi.
Lately,I have been having a whole Nigerian epiphany.
I have had a somewhat creepy feeling…Nairobi has been feeling different lately. It has been feeling like Lagos to Me. Or Abuja. Or Sokoto. Or Enugu.
Moi Avenue has been feeling like Abeokuta Highway to Me. Thika Road has been giving Me an Oshodi-Isolo feeling.
Am I in Kenya or Nigeria??
Has Nyayo stadium been changed into the Abuja National Stadium?? Has Uhuru Park been renamed The Tafawa Balewa Square???
Am I in Kenya or Nigeria???
Am I really eating Ugali?? Or Fufu?? Is that Githeri I just ate?? Or is it Ewa Agoyin ?? Am I eating Nyama Choma anymore?? Am I eating Mukimo anymore?? Tastes like Ayamase to Me!
Am I in Kenya or Nigeria???
My TV screen is flooded…Flooded with familiar faces…Faces I recognize better than OUR OWN Faces….
My TV screens….All I see are foreign West African faces…All I see are those very detectable Nigerian Accents…..All I see are Nigerian Movies….On KTN…On Citizen TV …On K24…..On UTV….
Is that Mama Kayai ?? No,its Mama G. Or Patience Ozokwor. Is that Anto Neo Soul?? Oops ,Its Jim Iyke. Is that Ken Ambani?? Oh Nooo,Its Desmond Elliott. Is that Nice Githinji?? Dammit! It’s Ini Edo. Oh,I hope that is Angel Waruinge?? Too bad,Its Rita Dominic!!! Its Genevive Nnaji.
Heeeeeey!!!! Am I in Kenya or Nigeria???
I thought I was having some Kenya Shillings in My pockets….seems like I have been carrying around Nigerian Nairas all day. Wasn’t the face on My notes supposed to be the face of Mzee Jomo Kenyatta?? And now all I see is the portrait of Alhaji
Aliyu Mai-Bornu…All I see is the sturdy image of Dr Clement Isong.
Damn! Am I in Kenya or Nigeria???
My Music!!! My good old Kenyan Music!!! Who is playing Kenyan Music anymore?? I want My Kapuka! I want some Genge! I want Me some Benga ! But all I hear is Afro-Pop! All I hear is Highlife! All I hear is Afro-beat! What happened to My Taarab?? My local Kenyan tunes?? Why aren’t they playing them anymore?? Why have they gone silent?
Am I in Kenya or Nigeria!!
I used to idolize Nameless. I used to cheer along and scream and shout at the mention of Juacali’s Name. What happened to My Nonini?? My Wyre??
All I see is Davido. Davido on my TV. Davido in the streets. Davido on My Radio….Davido Davido…Davido.
All I hear is Wizkid. Wizkid on KISS FM,Wizkid on One FM,Wizkid on Easy FM. Wizkid on Hits FM. Wizkid Wizkid Wizkid.
All I see is D’Banj. D’Banj on Kiss TV,D’Banj on NTV,D’Banj on K24. D’Banj on KTN….
Am I in Kenya or Nigeria???
And My Clubs…My Discothèques. My Nightclubs. What is going on?
Am I in Skyluxx really?? Am I in Lavish Lounge for real?? Is this Galileo or is it Club Quilox on Ozumba Mbadiwe Avenue?? Is this really Club Natives?? Feels like I am in Ember Creek Club in Igoyi,Lagos. No,this is NOT Tribeka! This Must be Caribbean Lounge in Abuja!!
All the DJs play is Naija Music. All I hear is endless Afrobeat Mixes. All I hear is Azonto. And Skelewu. Its all toooo Nigerian!
Am I in Kenya or Nigeria???
All the festivals I go to. From Naivasha to Nakuru to Masaku to Eldoret…All the Music festivals… All I dance to is the West African tunes…The dancefloor is flooded…
“Skelewu….Are You gonna Dance-O…Aye….Gobe….Johnny….Am looking for Caro…Girlie-O….Testimoney….Ejajo…Tchelete…Ada Ada…Ashawo…Kukere…”
I stopped hearing Swahili tunes. Sheng tunes. Nairobi tunes…No one is playing them anymore! No DJ cares about My Eastlands Rap tunes anymore.
Its either Patoranking. Or Ice Prince. Or Gallardo. Or Tiwa Savage. Or Iyanya.
Am I in Kenya or Nigeria??
Victoria Kimani. They stole her!! She left…Left us for them…Became like them..Lived with them….started singing like them. And with them!!
Is Victoria Kimani Kenyan or Nigerian?? She is OUR Girl!! Kimani is OUR Name!!!
Oh… Who is playing My Kikuyu tunes anymore? Who is playing my Luo Benga tunes anymore??
Is that Kikuyu I heard?? No,its Yoruba. Is that Kamba?? Oops,its Igbo. Is that Kalenjin?? Too bad,its Hausa.
Am I in Kenya or Nigeria??
Is that Dedan Kimathi’s statue?? Oops,they replaced it with that of Patrick Chukwuma Kaduna Nzeogwu.
They just pulled down Tom Mboya’s statue and replaced it with The Great
Christopher Okigbo’s. I am almost forgetting Wangari Maathai. Seems like Hajiya Gambo Sawaba has replaced Wangari’a revered memory.
Am I in Kenya or Nigeria??
Why am I reading Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie more than I am reading Grace Ogot? Why are they reading Chibundu Onuzo’s work yet they are NOT reading Okwiri Oduor’s?? I feel like Wole Soyinka has replaced Ngugi Wa Thing’o!!!
Am I in Kenya or Nigeria???
And ALL our Beautiful women are rushing to Lagos….to find Love,and affection and Romance! If they get babies, will they name them Kamau? Or Otieno? Or Kiptoo? Or will they be named Ogochukwu? Or Adeyemi? Or Ezukwu?
Am I in Kenya or Nigeria!!?
Kenya, WAKE UP!
We have been colonized! The British came,stole our culture,our traditions and our lands…And then left…But if You thought that was over,You are WRONG. Another Colonial Master has come. His name is THE NIGERIAN.
And today,All I near is Nigerian Music. All I see is Nigerian Movies. All I perceive is Nigerian Culture. All I feel is Nigerian-ness. All I listen to are Nigerian Artists. All I dance to are Nigerian tunes.
Our Radio stations….Our TV stations….Our DJs…Our Clubs….Our Streets…Our Event Organizers… They’ve turned Kenya into a Little Nigeria. Nairobi into a Little Lagos.
Poor Kenya.
We have been COLONIZED!!! And it sucks! Big time!!!
I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!
