GHAFLA EXPLORES: 8 Crazy Things That Kenyan Parents Used To Do Back In The Day

What kids of today don’t know is that things were different back in the day. Kenyan parents were much more fun but they were not so friendly. You probably grew up with funny stories to tell about your folks. The things mentioned below mostly apply to parents who are above the age of 50 at the moment. Some of the things are still being done by modern day Kenyan parents but most of them were done by old generation parents. Here are some of the funny things Kenyan parents did back in the day.

They would tell you to ‘soma na nguvu’

Instead of ‘soma kwa nguvu.’ No wonder there were so many bullies in school back in the day. Children took the phrase ‘soma na nguvu’ literally. I can count the number of times my big brothers came back home crying or with a bandages on their heads. Or when they came back home from half term and complained about being forced to make phone calls using stinking shoes.

I learned from them and vowed never to be bullied and so I always stood up against anyone that wanted to mess with me. That didn’t help either, as I wasn’t ‘Van Damme’ so I still ended up with bandages fro countless fights that I didn’t win.

The phrase ‘soma na nguvu’ always did more harm than good. Those who understood the phrase would study like the world was about to end so as to grow up and be a doctor, engineer or pilot. They ended up being boorish geeks while those who misunderstood it got suspended or expelled way too many times,

Parents would tell you how they were always ‘number 1’ in class

All Kenyan parents were number one in class every term. They would lie so as to set the bar high for their children. As a result of this, children would shake while handing over the report card especially to the dad. Fathers were known to be intolerant to academic failure. You would get all kinds of sanctions and punishments for performing poorly in class. Your mum would sympathize with you but wouldn’t do a thing. Your play time would be cut and you’d be forced to read when everyone else was asleep. You just had to put in the work.

Good times came when you actually managed to be number one or top 3 at the end of the term. Chicken would be slaughtered and heavy chapatis would be cooked. You could have the best holiday ever and go back to school a little fatter

Parents would force you to finish the food on the plate

Lack of appetite was not condoned. It didn’t matter how long it took for you to clear the plate, you just had to sit there until the task was done. Sometimes when you had that desire to go out and play with friends, you wouldn’t dare, knowing the consequences that would befall you if you didn’t finish the food.

Sometimes the maid who was always referred to as ‘auntie’ hadn’t cooked the meal so well so it wasn’t really your fault that you didn’t feel like eating. Parents didn’t care about that, “Kaa hapo hadi umalize hiyo ugali”, they would say.

Parents would lie about where babies came from

Sometimes when you thought you were the last born, you would see your mum’s stomach protruding then months later a little one would appear, abracadabra style. Then your mum would tell you how she went to a special supermarket where they babies were being sold. She would also explain why the stomach was so big, claiming she had been eating a lot of food so as to get strength to carry the new lad in the house.

Some parents had weird explanations but all in all they would lie. It was only until you reached class six or seven that you finally found out where babies came from.

Parents would beat you up then threaten to beat you again if you cried.

Parents loved beating up the kids but they didn’t love the sound of agony and anguish that came from their children as a result of the beatings. They would thus make threats of additional canes so as to calm the kid down. It worked well. I would shrink into a quiet teary eyed creature whenever my dad pulled that threat on me.

Back in the day, parents were basically demigods. You had no right to answer back or argue with them. It didn’t matter if you felt that water was colourless. If they said that water was blue, then water wss blue. End of story

Parents gave their kids weird nicknames

The number of kids who had to bear with being called ’totoo’ or ‘boi’ is quite high. Parents would give their kids weird nicknames which they had no option to grow up with. On rare occasions, you still here a grown man being called ‘junior’ or ‘boi’.

You simply had no say in what you should be called. Your parents would give you any nickname they felt fitted and you had to embrace it without complaints

Some parents would cane you mercilessly then comfort you later

This specifically applied to the mothers. Whenever you did a silly mistake, your mother would beat the crap out of you then comfort you later, telling you that she only did so because cares about you and wants the best for you. She would then coat her comfort with a lengthy lecture that ate into your cartoon time.