GHAFLA EXPLORES: This Past Sunday, I Attended A Church Service Where Girls had Copious Amounts Of Makeup On Their Faces And Short Skirts That Only Covered Fractions Of Their Thighs…..Here Is What Happened Next

This past Sunday, I decided to try out a new church -temporarily. I am Anglican by upbringing but I figured it would do no harm to check out one of the modern hyped-up churches here in Nairobi whose pastors also happen to be controversial mega-celebrities. Word from my buddies was that this church had the finest of girls.

It was indeed lively place of worship. It was more like a concert than a church. The choir performed wildly like a rock band on crack and a good number the girls had revealing clothes The problem was that most of them had too much makeup on. It occurred to me that the pastor’s wife always advised the females that outward beauty was as important as inner beauty. No girl was allowed to enter the church looking shady. No wonder they tried too hard.

I’m always weary of girls who wear excessive makeup though. Banging a girl who relies on tons of makeup to radiate her beauty is like banging a superhero. When her mask of beauty products is on, she’s qualified (in your eyes) to fight off that villain called Mr. Dryspell. That villain that has been making your life miserable. But when the mask is off, she holds no power over you.

Despite my reservations, I picked a seat next to one hot short chick and pretended to follow the proceedings as I figured out which line to open her with. Within minutes, I was throwing verbal projectiles at her.

The thing about religious girls, just like feminists, ‘perfect 10s;, models and any other ordinary girl is that at the end of the day – they are still just girls . And every girl has a sexual beast inside her, waiting to be unleashed. The question is: are you the man with the key?

However, this girl was not entertaining my vibe. Every time I tried to talk to her, she held on firmly to her bible and sang at the top of her voice. Whenever, she sat, her skirt revealed almost three quarters of her thighs. But she didn’t seem concerned with the torture she was inflicting on men’s loins. She still considered herself holy and immune to seduction. She was the tough type and it would be difficult for any game-oriented dude to tackle her in this environment so I vowed to try again when the service was over.

But then as people started walking out, she rushed to the guy that had been playing guitar at the altar and disappeared with him. She was taken. No wonder she had been so cold. I walked out of the church door – dejected.

Luckily, my heartbreak would be short-lived. As I walked towards the gate, a female voice called out my name. I turned my head to look – it was Doreen.

She was a former shag-buddy of mine with whom I had done everything sexually imaginable under the sun back in the day. This chic had been so raunchy that she wanted me to pee on her mouth one time. Eventually, we both got tired of each other and moved on.

Fast forward to last Sunday, and here she was, looking so pretty like she fresh from a magazine photoshoot. All her nose rings and crazy hairstyles were gone. She now had the appearance of a pure innocent virgin

Doreen: Hey Etemesi, it’s been ages

Me: Yea…it’s been a while. From what I can see, you still have that perky booty.

Doreen: Haha…wewe. Ebu acha. But of course, but I am serving God now. Yesu ndiye kiongozi wa maisha yangu

Me: Ati?

Doreen: I devoted my life to the service of our lord Jesus Christ.

Me: Hiyo ni poa. Are you still a freak in bed though?

Doreen: Lol….i see you are still bold with your words. Anyway, I’ve done away with that life.

Me: Well I don’t see anything wrong with that life.

Doreen: For you. But I’m a Christian now, so sex talk and sex is out. My only concern in life now is to serve the lord and my church”.

[Well…..i am surprised but watch how I skillfully try to throw her off her religious train]

Me: Cool. I don’t mind the fact that you are a saint. You won’t be the 1st. saint I have sex with.

Doreen: Lol ….Sikusema mimi ni saint. You haven’t changed have you?

Me: Nah, I’m still the same dirty-old heathen Rotten to the core. You better watch out. Wise men say you should never change something that is functioning well and serving its purpose

Doreen: Jesus is protecting me. I’m no more into kinky stuff.

[Watch how she’s trying to maneuver the chat back to religion as she’s getting a dose of “backwards rationalization”. But my frame and purpose is stronger

Me: Jesus is protecting me too. By the way…., nice boobs.

Doreen: Thank you Philip.

Me: They seem smaller though. Did you do something to them?

[I’m skillfully transitioning back to sex, dominating her pliable frame]

Doreen: Lol no. I believe they’re still same size.

Me: Ok cool. I enjoyed toying with them back in the day. They used to drive me insane. Especially when you rubbed them all over my face.

Doreen: Damn….those memories. ( I have awakened her sweet old memories)

Me: So a Christian isn’t allowed to have sex?

[I’m now beginning to rub it in her face that she is a religious hypocrite]

Doreen: “We are allowed ……, but after marriage”.

Me: So I guess we were married when we fooled around?

Doreen: That was different then. I now have Jesus in me.

Me: Cool! …you are looking really sexy today. Is that a sin to be Christian and sexy”!?

Doreen: No no sin there……..we are always taught the importance of beauty in church

[I’m beginning to covertly sexually escalate and break down the religious facade/front]

Me: Well since it’s no sin for Christians to dress sexy and revealing. Is it safe to say that I’m enjoying your sexy Christian body.

(I grab her and give her a tight impromptu hug)

Doreen: LOL you’re killing me! It’s ok.

[I grab onto her hand and hold it firmly. Her Body Temperature is beginning to spike upwards, i.e. she’s getting turned on]

Me: Lol, I don’t wanna kill you. I just wanna relive our moments which drove both of us crazy, like when I ate your punani on the balcony of my brother’s house” [which never happened BTW, but I’m entertaining the thought just to get her horny].

Doreen: Lol that never happened. But sounds good though. (she’s getting horny)

Me: But honestly, I don’t wanna tempt you and throw you off of your religious path.

Doreen: Lol I’m ok with the chat. I always like hearing you say those crazy things…. I’m not so easily swayed and tempted.

[She obviously wants the sexual chat to progress, but she’s using it under the guise that she can’t be swayed…which is false since I already out frame her into talking about sex. So I decide to use reverse psychology]

Me: Enyewe sex is so dirty and wrong. I don’t wanna continue. I prefer to see you instead and we chat about Jesus. Maybe you can enlighten me too. How about you come over to my place one of the nights this week?.

[An obvious bait and ploy to get her digits and hook up]

Doreen: Okay my number is ***-***-****. Invite me over.

Me: Cool. I’ll be looking forward for you to convert me.

(I kiss her on the cheek and walk away)

Trust me when I tell you I am going to bang her when she comes over. Only a dummy would believe that she coughed up her number for the purpose of chatting religion. No, she wants to bang! And I know the right spots to touch her

Just like other religious girls, her desires have been pressurizing for months…maybe even year. And they will explode when she finally gets the chance to get loose

Doreen’s situation is just the same as 95% of the chics who pull this “I’m now religious” stunt. After years of being treated like trash by men, they decided to go the religious route.

99% of the times [the cases I observed], these chics are just bluffing themselves in a ring of hypocrisy. They are looking for an escape route out of their problems. They hide behind paper-thin facades of religion (Christianity), when in fact they want their old life. Only that they want it without the suffering that comes with it

Let’s see how this one goes.

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