Jalang’o recently said something so inspired, I felt the need to highlight his words and through the considerable weight of my opinion behind it. He was talking to his co-host Kamene Goro and was going on about how to handle the aftermath of a breakup.
You see, when the story of “boy meets girl and falls for girl” goes awry, it is usually after alot of gifts have been exchanged. And as is the nature of society that evolved almost like an animal along with us and our needs, it is often the boys who give gifts.
Some of those gifts are of sentimental value more than they are of monetary value. But more often than not, they are expensive trinkets and everyday items that the poor boy has had to save for a time to be able to afford. Jalang’o is doubtless talking about the latter.
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Explaining his stand to Kamene Goro, Jalang’o said,
”We break up, return everything. What is tangible at that time, you just have to return. Kila mtu tu aende vile alikam. Si you’ve left me… Why are you keeping my car?… Women who are brought up well do this, when we break up, they put everything in a box… They just take what is theirs…
The best thing is to always erase everything… Why do you want to keep a ring of an engagement that didn’t work? Even for your own respect, you don’t have to wait to be told to return them… So that it does not remind you of this other guy.”
And he is right for one major reason: we live in a world in which equality is a concept that we have embraced. Women and men have equal access to opportunity and if feminists had their way, even equal outcomes would be the order of the day. Anyway, when a gift is given, it is done so with the understanding that it strengthens the relationship. It is done so with the aim of the relationships furtherance. So when the relationship comes undone, gifts must be returned.
I am not going to go with low IQ arguments about it making some men feel like they still have a say over their former beau. I will instead help Jalang’o further his argument by drawing parallels from the real world. When a country offers its aid to another, the donor country stipulates certain things that govern that relationship.
And when the recipient country breaks the terms of the bilateral agreement, the donor country usually withdraws support and demands back what it invested. For example, military aid or disaster relief.
If countries can do so, why not simply return that man’s property to him ladies? Like when you hear of a failed engagement and the woman refuses to return the ring. That is a level of entitlement that is preposterous.
Even if we take the argument along the ethical lines, we simply cannot defend clinging to old gifts. What is its purpose? To be regifted to your next man? Jalang’o is right in questioning such intent because trust me no self-respecting man wants gifts from the man that previously had his turn with you.
The only logical reason why any woman would want to keep such significant gifts is for manipulative reasons or out of delusion. The hope that the relationship will be rekindled. Or to use them to mess with the former partner. And Jalang’o has hit the nail on the head.
February 7, 2023