What we can learn from Xtian Dela and his “toxic parents”

Image: Xtian Dela born Aurther Mandela

Xtian Dela was almost crucified by online users after his mother’s, actress Naomi Nyongesa interview on how her son has been ghosting her for 4 years went viral.

For a minute many called out Xtian Dela for being an ungrateful son….until, well – they went through the video a couple of times and started to see some red flags. One is – how is it that a son can walk out of his mum’s life and never look back.

I mean sons tend to love their mothers with a passion and if i am not wrong – they can do anything for them since the mum is always a boy’s first love. So why did Xtian just leave with no notice.

The other red flag is when she shifted the blame to Fatma Banj – who happens to be Xtian’s girlfriend and baby mama. I mean – if trying to work it out, why attack the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with?

Xtian Dela shares side of the story

Well moments later, Xtian who is renowned media personality uplaoded an article describing what toxic parents is and what they do and dont do.

As children, we rely on our parents for love, support and guidance. However, some parents can be emotionally damaging, leading to long-term psychological effects on their children. These parents are often referred to as ‘toxic’ parents,

Number one, is constant criticism and no appreciation for any effort the child tries to put in life. Adding that they also posess power of manipulation always guilt tripping their kids inorder to get what they want.

They may use guilt or fear to control their child’s behavior. They may also use bribery or other rewards to get their children to do what they want. This manipulation lead to the child feeling like they have no control over their own life

3rd and 4th point

He went on to add that these same toxic parents will never learn what boundaries are. They not only invade the kids lives but neglect them in the process – forgetting a child needs his or her parents no matter how grown they are.

Such parents invade their children’s privacy, such as going through their children’s belongings without permission. This lack of boundaries makes children feel like they do not have a sense of privacy.


This neglect may lead to the child feeling like they are not important or valued.

5th, 6th and 7th point

You see there are those parents who blame their kids for whatever misfortune they face in life which is why youll hear a mother telling her child ‘baba yako aliniwacha na akaniwachia mzigo’ which ruins a child – making them blame themselves throughout life.

They may also make their child responsible for their emotional well-being. This can lead to the child feeling like they are always at fault or responsible for their parents’ feelings.

And for the last point, how toxic parents never value or acknowledge a child’s feelings…..forgetting they too are human and feel things like pain, hurt, loneliness among other feelings which they never respect.

They may also make their child feel like they are crazy or overreacting. This can lead to the child doubting their own reality.

And with that – all many can say is that there’s is more to the story and if anything – Mama Naomi Nyongesa was definitely wrong for outing her family issues in the name of ‘begging son’ to come back home.

About this writer:

Pauline Syombua

Content Developer IG: Kermbua