Let’s Not be Too Harsh on the MP Hatemonger’s, I have Been in a Police Cell for a Day and I can tell You it’s Pathetic….This is What They are Probably Going Through

It’s been a cool 3 nights for the MP hatemongers’ and I can only imagine what they are going through. They might have committed one of the most heinous crimes in the land and stirred up what many might consider as the first match set to bring this country down but I can’t help but feel some slight pity for them.

I have been in a police cell for a day and it was a total hell hole so I can only imagine how it is being there for 3 days. The day was 27th November 2015 and I and a couple of friends had just finished our end of year semester.

The December holiday had officially started and it would start at Hall 9 at UON where I used to reside; back then I was a 4th year student at the University of Nairobi. It was around 3 PM and the fun would start at Uchumi Koinange street where we bought bottles upon bottles of Vodka; cheap vodka that is.

First forward 3 hours later, we are all sloshed and one of the boys came up with the idea of hitting state house road and messing up with a couple of motorists. So we devised a plan, one of the lasses would put on a skimpy dress….they were all in skimpy dresses anyway and pose as a damsel in distress.

She would attempt to make the male driver stop and we would come off the bushes and harass them. Not to rob them or anything but for sheer the fun of it. Also to fisi shame them! Now here is the funny thing, it actually worked.

We managed to make a couple of drivers stop; no one could resist a pair of light skin thighs, trust me. Most of them pretended to be really concerned and caring. One actually suggested booking her into some hotel until things calmed down….it was sad seeing his intentions crushed when we appeared and threatened to take away his car keys, ask him to remove his clothes and frame him on facebook.

One thing we forgot is that information moves fast in this new age of technology and it was only a matter of time before word spread around. How dare we embarrass respected people in society like that?

It didn’t take long before authorities from central police station were sent our way and set some level of discipline. They instead caused massive havoc and trauma which I have never forgotten up to now. I just remember the excitement on our faces when we saw their land cruiser approaching thinking we had scored big but little did we know.

Upon approaching our girl, that’s when our biggest nightmare came into play. They disembarked from their vehicle in optimum speed and set upon us. The first casualty was our girl who was caught and thrown into the back of their land cruiser like a bag of potatoes. At that moment we all scampered for our lives, everyone on their one but clearly with all that vodka in our bodies, nobody got really far.

In no time we were all seated at the back of that land cruiser each one of us thinking what we would tell our parents. What if we got charged with a major offence and we each get 10 years in prison? And what if during this time we get molested by the bad people we would meet there? Our lives were basically over and all the slaps we were getting from the cops were not helping with the situation.

The lasses were also hysterically crying adding up to the gravity of the situation. They were begging and pleading the entire time but it all fell into deaf ears. Soon enough we were bundled into central police station into tiny little cells that I bet the devil resides.

You start experiencing this when you get to the door and you remove your shoes, your shirt and all your belongings and enter this little dungeon which you would mistake to be the sewage that services the whole of Nairobi. You then enter and you feel like you have just entered a lift in Kenyatta hospital just that,the faces you meet are full of despair and enmity. 

Now that’s when all the stories you keep on hearing about prison start crippling in at the back of your head. Especially when other inmates start shoving you all over the place and you notice that bucket at the far corner overflowing with piss.

And the fact that you can’t leave doesn’t make the situation any better. You are trapped and that big guy sleeping on the only mattress in the room has started giving you the eye. You want to start crying but you can’t lest you are branded as a bitch which gives everyone leeway to own you now.

I remember for my case I pleaded with one of the guards whom I gave a 20 bob hidden within my pants and asked if I could use his phone to call my parents whom I assured him would splash him with a sh*tload of money.

Luckily he was using airtel so I subscribed to unliminet 20 real quick. With 8 minutes of talk time, I was able to call everyone I know, even our watchman back at home and ask them to come bail me out. I whatsapped my friends too and inboxed a couple of them on facebook too and within an hour or so my old man was at the police station asking for my release.

So were a couple of our friends too and after many negotiations and some quick bucks exchanging hands, we were free! You never quite know what freedom is until you have been into a cell!

So I can only imagine how it must feel for Muthama a multi millionaire with a hot wife at home. And with all the team mafisi roaming the streets nowadays, you can always remain hopeful.

#sent by one our guest contributors.