How an unlikely defendant in a ruffled blazer outsmarts a cocky prosecutor at Milimani Law Courts and escapes jail

This is not my story. But, am mighty glad it ain’t.

If you haven’t been to Milimani Law Courts, it’s a place that draws out the serious, sober bit.

We are in court for a hearing on a burglary case. It’s a default hearing, so, we are at the back of the court room. We get to sit through oddball corruption and murder cases, some of which I’ve seen make angry Twitter threads.

We hear cases that make our case seem like chicken feed.

I was particularly in awe of the presiding judge. It’s almost bipolar how she’d shift from dismissing cases to handing out death and life in prison sentences.

Just before our case is called, a Police Inspector – in uniform – comes in. Shortly, a tall guy in a fitting Italian suit follows. He’s a junior prosecutor at the court. They had a Driving Under Influence (DUI) hearing scheduled.

The accused driver is an old guy, in a ruffled coat and a slouching gait. He wobbles to the defendants table, silently. The prosecutor leads the Inspector through a practiced litany of why he’d seen it fit to pull over the driver, on Kiambu Road.

The Inspector intimates that the driver was a known prior offender. He says he’d seen him miss the yellow line a few times on the run just past the DCI Headquarters. The driver then, in the cop’s opinion, failed, or at least did not pass the sobriety test.

All this while, the accused just stands there with an expression of someone who’d rather be tending goats.

When I ask, I’m told this hearing is to establish if probable cause existed to proceed.

A busy section of Kiambu Road in Nairobi (file image)

The Italian-suited prosecutor looks over at the defendant and in the most dramatic, haughty and contemptuous tone, asks:

“Do YOU have any questions?”

The lady judge affords the man a few moments, and in the last possible second before she drops the gavel, the old man speaks up.

“Yes, Your Honor, I have a few questions.”

It gets interesting.

The slouching old man, suddenly draws himself up, clears his throat, and in a voice that could silence opinionated television political analysts, says:

“Deputy, did I hear you state that you pulled the defendant over because you recognized him as a prior offender, and because he crossed over the yellow line once or twice?”

The prosecutor and the judge suddenly take notice, and a trace of concern steals across the prosecutor’s face. The defendant assumes the third person narration, and is visibly confident enough in front of a Judge.

The Deputy thinks for a second, and replies:

“Well, yes, defendant. That’s you, Mwaniki. Two years ago, you had a similar DUI conviction, and you are a regular in several pubs on Thika Road.”

Mwaniki, nods.

“So, the Defendant’s history of a DUI conviction was a contributing factor in your determination as to whether to pull him over or not?”

The Inspector nods, and, in a less convincing voice replies:

“Yes, or course it was.”

The defendant continues:

“Since you stopped me in the middle of the day, and as your report says,” here Mwaniki holds up a copy of his charges, “nowhere near any of my regular pubs on Thika Road, Inspector, would you say your knowledge of the defendant’s prior conviction was a significant contributor in your decision to pull the defendant over?”

The inspector, now not as cocky, sputters out:

“I just said it was.”

Mwaniki looks at the attentive judge up on her desk.

“So, had you not known who the driver was, there was little chance that you would have pulled the vehicle over based upon the driver’s behavior. Is that a correct characterization?”

The Inspector pauses for a second, and says: “Yes”.

Mwaniki turns to the Judge, and says:

“Your Honor, I move to dismiss these charges as the State has failed to field a prima facie case. Their witness cannot provide articulable probable cause.”

Unexpectedly, for a judge who just dished out a decade-long sentence barely half an hour back – and before the junior prosecutor could tell what’s happening – the judge nods, and says:

“Mwaniki, I get your impression. The Inspector wouldn’t have pulled you over had he not known you were the driver. There’s no probable cause. The DUI case dismissed. However, if in retrospect you weren’t under influence and weaved over the yellow line, that’s an offence. The court fines you ONE HUNDRED shillings. If you can pay, you are free to leave.”

Mwaniki resumes his old man persona and limps out of the courtroom. No orderly even escorts him to the cash offices.

Mwaniki withdraws money from a Co-op Bank account, using the M-Coop Cash App, thanks to the e-Commerce platform. He then pays the fine from M-Pesa, through Milimani Law Court’s Paybill number.

I later learn that Mwaniki had lost his wife a couple of years prior, and presently in treatment for depression. He’d been a reputable criminal defense attorney.

Good for him.

Have you had a debtor skip payment but instead has a story that slides sideways immediately it starts?

Meet Antony Kwalanda.

Kwalanda is a work colleague, and owes me money. We share an employer, and the same pay date. I expected payment, but, instead, Kwalanda has a story.

Well, I’m convinced to listen, and it’s a heck of a story.

******

A few months ago, a rather poor couple moved in next door. I live in Likoni, some place called Bondeni.

They were native Kisii’s – and you know how friendly Kisii’s tend to be. No, it’s not stereotyping. It’s just what it is. A few days in, we are friends and they tell me how they eloped from their Nyakemincha village. The guy’s extended family disallowed their relationship – citing distant clan relations.

We grew close.

This is a couple out in the urban jungle with no contact from their relations in the village. But, thankfully, the girl’s family wasn’t so held up on who she chose to date or cohabit with.

It happens that the girl grew up with her maternal grandmother, and she wanted to show her the beach ‘before she died’.

Fair enough.

So my neighbors book their elderly grandma a seat in one of the night buses from Kisii. She travels safe, and they pick her at dawn from Mwembe Tayari terminus.

I met her once in the hallway. She’s elderly, but quite sprightly, and chirpy. Much like my neighbor, her grand-daughter.

Grandma is jovial, and seems like fun. Heck, she even offers me a portion of the gifts she brought. Just bananas, but, still……

Well, a week runs by. Grandma spends a lot of time on the beach. Perhaps it’s the cold from the water, or the constant shore winds, but she caught a severe cold.

She died.

Me: Wait, Kwalanda, slow down. What did you say?

Him: She died, right there on her bed in their spare bedroom!

Right after her granny kicks the bucket, the girl lets rip that her grandma’s wish was to be buried outside her hut in Nyakemincha, Kisii.

Which is alright, except that my neighbors do not have much in their savings to fund such a burial, especially not in far-off Kisii.

It costs quite a sum to hire a hearse from Mombasa to Kisii.

They turned to me for help. I had to give them all I could spare so they could hire a private van to transport their grandmother back to Kisii.

Kwalanda ends that story with a forlorn, mournful look.

A few days later, I learn that he neither lives in Likoni, nor does he have Kisii neighbors. He’s just skipping paying his debts.

After a somewhat funny confrontation at work, over tea break, Kwalanda is nailed. He makes a money transfer on his phone from his Co-op Bank account via the MCo-op Cash App to my account.

******

This is possible using the MCo-op Cash App. Alternatively, he could have used the USSD *667# to initiate the process.

 

With Co-op Bank e-Commerce platform, this feature does much more than settle personal bills and debts. MCo-op Cash App can be used to make cashless payments for goods and services.

It’s fast and convenient. It’s safe, cashless and reflects instantly into the recipient’s Co-op Bank account.

At the same time, all business money paid through Co-op Bank e-Commerce platform is readily available, either through internet banking, ATM’s or over the counter in branches across the country.

Visit the nearest Co-op Bank branch to learn more on e-Commerce, or check online by clicking here.

What are the benefits of exploiting payment options offered by the Co-op Bank e-Commerce platform?

Co-op bank has greatly revamped their e-Commerce platform to assist businesses meet the increased demand from customers in going cashless.

Going cashless has a lot of benefits. Besides being a vital prop in the fight against Covid-19 which has higher chances of spread in the exchange of cash, there are other benefits.

What’s on offer on the e-Commerce platform?

Online card payments

Boost your sales by integrating into our online card payment solution to receive card payments from customers from different banks and from anywhere in the world. These are Coop Bank ATM’s, Debit or Credit Cards. All payments for purchases or goods delivered can easily be checked off by swiping these cards.

With card payments, it’s easier to track stock levels, and enjoy an easy check out flow.

PDQ/POS

Forget the fancy jargon. This refers to a device which interfaces with payment cards to make electronic funds transfers. They are very popular in malls, supermarkets and fuel stations.

It’s basically a payment terminal. POS stands for Point Of Sale in a business outlet. PDQ stands for ‘Process Data Quickly’.

Coop Bank avails PDQ/POS machines to their clients. These machines greatly boost sales by enabling them receive card payments from customers from different banks.

A trader enjoys timely reports, easier tracking of income and expenses.

Lipa Na M-Pesa Till Number

Co-op Bank takes pleasure in service, as seen by the offer to process a till number for their client’s businesses, at no charge.

This helps a business to receive cashless payments via Lipa na M-Pesa Till Number. The money received through the Till number is deposited directly into the client’s Co-op Bank account.

The payments paid into the account can be accessed anytime via Co-op Bank’s mobile banking platform, ATMs, Co-op Kwa Jirani agents, Internet banking or at any branch across the republic.

M-Pesa Paybill 400200

The M-Pesa Paybill number 400200 enables a trader to receive payments directly into their Co-op Bank account. The money reflects into the account immediately.

One can also check for the payment confirmation via our mobile banking or internet banking platforms. Alternatively, one can receive notifications via text if they have subscribed to the MCo-op Cash SMS notifications.

The funds are accessible anytime via our mobile banking platform, Co-op Kwa Jirani agents, ATMs, Internet banking or at the branch.

M-Coop Cash

This feature is not limited to business owners, but to everyone with a Co-op bank account.

It’s applicable to all needs that require exchange of money. Encourage colleagues, family members, clients or business associates who have Co-op Bank accounts to send money directly account using the MCo-op Cash App or via USSD *667#.

How does a business boost sales?

  • Easier tracking of expenses.
  • Timely business reports.
  • Easy check out flow.
  • Instant payment confirmation via SMS notifications or via internet banking platform.
  • Payments are deposited into Co-op Bank account – easy access anytime via mobile banking platform, ATMs, Co-op Kwa Jirani agents, internet banking and at the branch

Visit the nearest Co-op Bank branch to learn more on e-Commerce, or check online by clicking here.