Why Many Kikuyu Women Have Big Foreheads

Seriously, why do many Kikuyu women have such big foreheads? A typical Kikuyu woman has a forehead so big that Ruto can grab some and build a hotel on it. In fact Kikuyu women should be given title deeds for their foreheads.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Kikuyu women. I’ve dated lots of them in my lifetime. They are beautiful and make good girlfriends. They are great in bed too. I even learned about the ‘Koroga’ sex position from a Kikuyu woman. But we really have to address the forehead issue

Yesterday one of my Kikuyu female friends on Facebook posted a picture with the caption “ My forehead big but still prettier than yours.”. She usually posts like 50 pics a day but this one really got my attention. Her forehead was really big. It was like Johny Bravo had a baby with Rihanna. That’s when I realized she wasn’t alone with that distinctive feature in her tribe. Why was this so? This Rihanna must be Okuyu by the way. That forehead of hers has Njeri written all over it.

Anyway, if there is one part of the face that says a lot about a woman, it is the shape, width and contour of her forehead. According to ancient Chinese scholars who reported to Confucius, the shape and size of a woman’s forehead largely defines her mannerisms. They claimed that the forehead is a yang aspect of the face which represents a woman’s strength of character and also indicates intelligence, creativity and educational attainments.

Part of their manuscripts read as follows:

“ If hers is a high impressive forehead that is wide and clear, the woman is likely to talk a lot, seek attention and strive to achieve a great deal in life. She possesses high intellect on social and financial matters as well as a great forbearance.” No wonder Kikuyu women love moshene and dealing with financial matters. I won’t talk about the attention seeking.

Similar facts can be conducted by recent findings from the Anatomy Institute of Germany’s Heidelberg University who conducted a 10 year study on women with large foreheads. Here’s an excerpt of the report.

“In women, straight foreheads that are high, straight and slightly rounded when observed from the side, and which extends straight down from the hairline to the brow bone indicates a female with strong character and impressive intellectual power. But there is a tendency to be dogmatic and even stubborn. From a young age this female has very fixed views on a variety of issues. They dislike change unless initiated by them, and they are paranoiac about financial stability and security. “

Need I say more?

The fact still remains that a big forehead looks great on a Kikuyu women. It makes her beautiful. You may think it obvious that men share the same gut reaction of what constitutes female beauty and female ugliness, and therefore it’s not a subject worth bludgeoning about. Throughout centuries, African men have tirelessly propagandize pretty lies like “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and “the ass is the most attractive feature in a woman”. Yet these pretty Kikuyu babes with big foreheads get the most attention from guys and get married left, right and center.

Just look at the celebrities that have married hot Kikuyu women recently. Look at those foreheads. Case closed. Let’s give it up for the hundreds Kikuyu women with gigantic rock-hard foreheads. You rock. You actually do rock, literally and figuratively. God bless the forehead.