Tag: Chukua Selfie

Imagine a scenario…

Your name is Kevo, except you aren’t the stereotypical Kevo. You are sick and tired of seeing social media jokes about guys called Kevin. You wish your parents could have named you Ephantus or Sospeter because no Kevin-ish characteristics can be traced inside you. Flirting with the neighbour’s hot new maid? Hell no! You don’t do that despite all the signals she gives you. Yesterday, she even wore her shortest skirt and came to knock on your door just to ask “Nikitaka NTV nafinya namba gani kwa remote?” And the other weekend after getting a shave, you instructed Daisy the massage girl in your kinyozi not to touch your neck because your girlfriend Mimo said she doesn’t like it.

“Toa shati nikumassage,” Daisy had offered.

“Hapana. Niko sawa. Osha tu kichwa alafu upake mafuta,” you said.

She felt bad because she massaged you just two weeks ago and you liked it. In fact, you liked it so much that you told Mimo about it. Mimo frowned and she went on to prohibit you from ever getting another massage.

You met Mimo two years ago. You’ve never stopped loving her. After about six months of dating, you decided to stop using condoms. After a year, you moved in together. The problem is that you are a struggling rapper. You don’t bring in much money. You have been advised to start doing Gengetone but you’d rather stick to your conscious music. You prefer doing music that leaves a positive impact on society. So, you hold on to your hopes and dreams.

Mimo, on the other hand, works at a highly profitable tech startup. She earns a lot. She takes care of the both of you and you highly appreciate it.

On a Tuesday morning, you decided to call her.

“How is work baby?” you use your R&B voice.

“Work is great, I can’t complain,” she responds while giggling.

“You sound like you are running out of breath. Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am just from climbing the stairs here at the office. You know I am trying to shed some kilos.”

“Ooh… sawa.”

“See you jioni beb. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

You hang up.

Mimo turns over to look at Ben, her office boyfriend who happens to be very good-looking.

“Did he suspect anything?” Ben asks her.

“Not a thing,” Mimo responds.

He gets back on top of her.

Yes, Mimo isn’t at the office. She is at Ben’s place. In fact, this is actually her off day. But she told you she was working.

Ben isn’t using a condom. It isn’t his fault actually. He wanted to. He has always used condoms even with his official girlfriends. But Mimo said she doesn’t enjoy sex with condoms. Given how hot she is, he felt compelled to just dive in there without the swimming gear. The sex turns out to be too sweet. It is too sweet that he gets into a habit of foregoing condoms completely. They say unprotected sex is addictive so he goes on to have unprotected sex with every other girl he meets in future.

Mimo, on the other hand, feels guilty about that single sexual encounter and never sleeps with Ben again. She goes back to loving you, Kevo. But 9 months later, she gives birth to a baby. She says it’s your baby Kevo but it isn’t.

“He has your eyes, honey,” she says.

“Ukweli,” her mother agrees. “Hata kisogo ni yako kabisa.”

The same 9 months later, Ben sleeps with the receptionist. He doesn’t use condoms. He has gotten used to the rubberless life – the good life. The problem? The receptionist is HIV positive. She doesn’t know it. Neither does he.

As Kevin, you are lucky that Mimo never brought any diseases after cheating. Jesus is your fan after all. But she brought another man’s seed. Mimo feels guilty every day but she can’t tell you because you finally have a hit song. You are a big rapper now. Octopizzo is even calling you out but you are ignoring him. In an interview, you were even asked “What do you think about Octopizzo’s diss track aimed at you?” and you answered in classic fashion by asking. “Who? I don’t know who that is.”

So life goes on. You continue raising another man’s child. Ben continues spreading the virus to others.

……..THE END

BUT WAIT…….

The reality is that all three humans in this story are the authors of their own pain.

It is common knowledge that most couples don’t use protection. However, a hidden fact is that those who get tested frequently tend to have some sort of discipline. Mimo would have been reluctant to sleep with another man without protection if she knew that her next test with Kevo was due in a few days or weeks’ time. If she had to cheat, she’d have at least demanded that he cover up. Kevo was wrong too for assuming that Mimo was loyal. He didn’t catch a disease but now he’s raising another man’s kid. Ben went on a condomless spree and now he’s HIV positive.

All the parties involved would have been okay now if only they just insisted on testing. But getting tested at a clinic or hospital has usually been a big deal. You have to think and rethink it. Luckily, people can easily get tested in their homes nowadays.

The #ChukuaSelfie campaign is aimed at making sure your sex life is perfect and devoid of negative consequences. The Selfie is a kit that allows you to find out your HIV status at the confines of your home. That’s correct. You don’t have to visit a clinic where an elderly medical practitioner will give you an hour-long lecture.

The Selfie kit has two testing options. There’s the traditional blood test and then there is the oral option which is highly recommended. With it, you just swab over your gums and inner cheeks and you get accurate results.

Where do you find the kit?

It’s available in chemists across the country. But given how hard it’s hard to even buy things like condoms in the chemist, we would understand if you’d be reluctant to purchase a Selfie kit when an elderly person is standing next to you. If such is the case, you can easily get the kit online. In fact, if you choose to shop online, you enjoy a huge discount of up to 15% on MyDawa and Kasha online shops.

Whether it’s with your bae or a random partner, don’t forget to #ChukuaSelfie. And if you test positive, it’s not the end of the world. You can start medication and you will be totally fine. But first, go to a professional healthcare provider to get a confirmatory test.  To get more info on your sexual health, feel free to call 1190.

There are situations that trigger you to throw caution to the wind.  The good people at the Coast will say “Liwe Liwalo.” The elegant Britons in Sussex and Nottingham will say “Whatever happens, let it happen, mate.” And the ordinary young Kenyans like me will say “Kama mbaya mbaya,” or “Kama noma noma.”

A few years ago, I met this pretty girl on Instagram. Her body was a wondrous piece of real estate – acres of hips, legs that were as curvy as the famous Burj Al Arab hotel and a hilly backside. After a few weeks of chatting, she agreed to come all the way from Komarock to my house in Kahawa Sukari.

There was never any sense of uncertainty regarding what was supposed to happen. We were both in agreement that sex on the first date wasn’t such a terrible thing. So, within the first minutes of her arriving, we were already attire-less in my bedroom, ready to do a battle of the bodies. Like FBI agents with a search warrant hoping to find a murder weapon, I quickly checked drawers and pockets of my clothes for a pack of condoms. I was sure I had bought them just the previous day but the devu made sure I couldn’t find it.

“Philip… what’s up?” she inquired.

“Mmm… sioni penye nilieka condoms,” I scratched my head.

“Achana nazo. Kuja tu.” Her words were soft and inviting.

I quit searching and stared at her. Lying on my bed naked, she looked like a cover model on a Playboy issue. Her aura and poise were unrivaled.

Her passion and sense of longing were evident on her innocent face. Her craving for lovemaking could be seen in the crease of her lovely brow and the down-curve of her succulent lips. But her bright eyes, her big, bright eyes showed her soul. They were a deep pool of restless glitter, a sea of glamorous pearls. They were portals that could swallow galaxies. As my own eyes scanned her body like a barcode reader, I knew all the beauty of the universe could not even hope to compete with hers. She stared right back at me. Excitement turned her eyes into orbs of the brightest fire and in them, I read clearly that she would give me the best sex of my life.

At that moment, I thought about whether I should put on my clothes and rush to the nearest chemist to get condoms. It was too far. Maybe I’d take too long and she’d lose interest.

So, I crawled above her slowly like a leopard in the Amboseli. Once again, I thought about putting my clothes back on but then she plugged her lips onto mine. With the kiss came electric tingles and the irresistible desire to play. No other single word needed to be said after that, centuries of evolution had already taken care of the message.

Without doing any more thinking, I said to myself, “Kama mbaya mbaya.”

We got right to it. She clung to me like a tick on a Friesian cow. The next five hours were totally unforgettable. We just kept going and going – never getting enough of each other.

The moment of truth came during our blissful post-coitus chat.

“So, when was the last time you had sex?” she asked me.

“A few minutes ago… with you,” I responded with a smile.

“Silly. I mean before me,” she laughed.

“Umm… It was two months ago. What about you?” (a man has to make it seem longer in order to not look like a player)

“About three weeks ago.”

‘’Ooh… wow!. Who was it? Your boyfriend?”

“No. Just some random guy that I met in a club.”

“Did you use condoms?”

“I don’t even remember. I was so drunk yani. That night was lit.”

What? She didn’t remember?  At the moment, I totally freaked out. As I took her to the stage to board a matatu, my heart couldn’t stop beating. After waving goodbye to her, I rushed to a clinic and got tested immediately, as if any infection could have manifested itself in a few hours. But this didn’t give me peace. I kept freaking out and doing multiple tests over the next three months just to make sure I was okay.

I was finally relieved when the nurse told me to relax. “You’ve come here too many times. You are fine… Sawa? Use protection in the future. Or always test first.”

This situation could have been avoided if we probably got tested first. In fact, the clinic was actually nearer my home than the chemist.  But what would have been even better is if there were self-testing kits in those days. I could have just kept a few at home and tested myself together with the lady before we did our thing. I could have easily prevented myself from freaking out over nothing.

Luckily, #ChukuaSelfie has come to the rescue of people who find themselves in dilemmas like mine. There’s a new self-testing kit called a Selfie kit that allows you to test yourself to know your HIV status at the comfort and privacy of your home.

The kit has two testing options. There’s blood testing and oral testing. The oral one sounds more convenient to me since it doesn’t involve pricking. You just swab it over your genitals… sorry, I mean gums… and inner cheeks. Within a couple of minutes, you get accurate results.

In case you turn out positive, you still need to go to a hospital or clinic for confirmation. Being positive is not the end of the world. New research has shown that if anti-retroviral medication is taken accordingly, the virus stops replicating completely and patients may never develop AIDs. That’s right.

So how do you get the Selfie kit? It is available in chemists and pharmacies across the country. But you can also order it online via the MyDawa app and the Kasha online shops at a 15% discount.

Know your status and have a fantastic sex life. #ChukuaSelfie