“Sexuality is not a choice”- Bisi Alimi says to his straight friends
“Sexuality is not a choice”- Bisi Alimi says to his straight friends
An open letter from Bisi Alimi to his straight friends about sexuality and their wrong perception of it.
Dear straight allies and friends, we need to talk
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I want to thank you for your love and support, for standing up for what is right and just in a world engulfed by hate inspired by fears and lies
But
NO! I won’t give you a free pass just because you are an ally. I won’t accept your arrogance and ego just because you speak up.
Here are my beef with you
1- Being L, G, B, T is not a choice. In defending me and using the word “choice” you are actually harming me. You are setting the agenda to assume that my sexuality is a phase. That was what my mother told me, my father, sisters brothers, cousins, best friends, isntrue. they all told me this and I believed them and wanted to make another choice but realised it’s not what I have been told. Sexuality is not choosing between Rugby or football (unless you have different taste in men). It is not like if you want your potatoes fried or boiled; those are choices, being gay, straight, bisexual, lesbian or Trans isn’t.
So please, when you speak for me, don’t use words that harm me. I know you don’t mean it, but it hurts, and I feel the impact
2- “I accept you”: is a very arrogant word to use. You think that I am at the mercy of your acceptance and hence you feel you need to flaunt it. I got news for you, NO! I am not. I am good and will be great with or without you. But I appreciate that in this world of hate, showing love could be hard to find but don’t think you are doing me a favour by accepting me. No! You are not. Actually, you are doing yourself a favour, because acceptance based on true love, helps you have good mental health.
3- “I am not gay but I accept gay people”- I hate this, we hate this, everyone hate this and I am sure you fucking do as well. Who cares what your sexuality is? It’s like you go around announcing you are not a unicorn but you accept unicorn. I mean, it is like like you go around saying “I am not a woman but I accept feminism”. Please stop that bullshit.
If you have the urge or the desire to share your support for a marginalised group, do so without announcing your distance from them. You again, make it feel like you are doing something charitable, no honey, you aren’t, you are just being arrogant.
4- No! I don’t want to be your gay best friend- I just want to be your friend. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Oh! I hate shopping, I don’t watch sex and the city, Madonna or Beyonce are not my favourite musicians. I play football when I have the time, (and believe me, not because of the men). I don’t know what it means to act gay, or be gay. I am gay. Please, leave me and let me be, I am not your accessories.
So, when next you want to voice your support, please make sure you are doing no harm.
Thank you ??
