And Now Here Are The 10 Worst Kenyan Songs Of 2016 So Far. And It’s Only March…. Lord Have Mercy!
The third month of 2016 is already almost over… And so far,alot has happened. Lions have escaped from their confinement and found themselves into the homes of Lang’ata dwellers,Vera Sidika has quit the first ever Kenyan Reality Show,corruption has hit stupefying levels,a Governor has had his security withdrawn,the old retirees at KFCB have been having a very active diary and of course, alot of music has been released. Some of it good. Some,plain stupid.
The show must go on,so they say,and the show here must still go on. However bad it is. Music must still be released,videos must be shot,entertainment must still be provided and artists must still create.
However,some of the creations that have already been released in 2016 are not really all that. Some of them have been done by big names but they still fall very short of everyone’s expectations.
While 2016 has hit us with wonderful music like ‘Letigo’ by Nameless and even surprisingly,’Tenda Wema’ by Gospel music renegade Ringtone and Christina Shusho,still, we have been seeing a lot of bad music getting dropped everyday. And,sadly,accompanied by VERY nice,high quality videos.
As far as music video production in Kenya Is concerned,we are definitely moving in the right direction. 95% of our artists today have been consistently releasing very amazing videos ; high quality,great angles,amazing camera work,wonderful shots,great cinematography,wondrous locations,beautiful women,perfect editing. But the music being the videos,sadly,still remains bad. Bland. Boring. Lame. Dry. Shitty. Crappy. Dead.
Here,let’s take a look at the WORST SONGS OF 2016 SO FAR. And It’s Only March. Lord Have Mercy.
10. Prezidential – Octopizzo
The problem with too much hype is that,people always expect the product to match the hype. And when it doesn’t,it’s a sore anticlimactic finale. Prior to releasing his first video for 2016,Octopizzo, ever the bombastic megalomaniac,created such a huge hype and anticipation for it across social media and TV stations that we expected something of Kendrick Lamar’s level. If not beyond. And then March 8th 2016 came. And he dropped that single accompanied by video – Prezidential. I listened to it and quit listening half way. We all did. The video,I must say,was superb; spectacular shots,genius editing,great color combination, Best picture quality,amazing production. But the song. The song. Piece of shit. Octo has consistently been feeding his ego with the wicked serpent of dangerous self-glorification. And it’s clearly evident in all of the songs he’s been releasing of late ; pompous, grossly self-aggrandizing,deep vanity and excessive showmanship. And that’s been his downfall. Prezidential is not good. It’s horrible. Just the same Octopizzo yapping about the same jibby-jabber. Lame lines. No soul. Nothing new. Sickening and easily forgettable. Stuff that makes Donald Trump run for President. To make music great again.
9. Akothee – My Sweet Love
I know this one is a little bit contentious. But we all know. Your grandmother knows. Miss Akothee CAN’T sing. Period. Sure,she’s a great entrepreneur. Maybe a great soul. Maybe a tad bit entertaining. But she has the musical skills of a pig. And not even Diamond Platnumz, the god of Bongo,could save her ass. They both sound horrendous in that song actually,if you ask me. Bad chorus. Pathetic stanzas. And Akothee’s songwriting is as bad as the guy who photoshopped Seve Gat’s into China. My Sweet Love was not sweet at all. Not to me. And I don’t care. Good? Good. Wonderful video though. But with all that money,sure,she could afford it.
8. Bolingo Na Ngai – Obinna
This Nigerian-wannabe Clown should never have been allowed into a music studio. And yet it was. He keeps doing music. I am not sure for who. Maybe to deaf octogenarians at a forgotten City Council home. He’s not even a brilliant comedian. And now he’s so enamored with music. And thinking he can sing. This Bolingo Na Ngai thing is supposed to be a Gospel song. But even God has class. Sure,He is an all-loving,all-gracious God but that’s no excuse to feed Him cheap,lowbrow third-rate stuff you can’t even feed your chickens. And No,attempting to fuse Lingala and Nigerian patios will never work for you Obinna. Never. Good God.
7. Wedding Ringer – Nazizi
After three decades away from the Industry,this is the song you are going to come back with? Even Ndarling P would do better than this. Wedding Ringer was so massively promoted and popularized,I couldn’t wait for its release. There were all of these expensive social media hype campaigns for the song. Even a frickin ‘ billboard along Jogoo Road announcing the coming of the song. If only she spent as much creative skill as she spent money in the making of the song. Wedding Ringer is not even a song you want to play at your Divorce proceedings. Leave alone at your wedding. Nazizi can’t even sing to start with. And her Jamaican patios thing kind of faded away like some 10 years ago. Wrong song. But amazing video. I mean,it was beyond HD. It was 4K. But still,nothing new. Nothing fresh. Nothing interesting. Just another former Queen of Rap trying to sound mushy. And failing disastrously. No weddings for me please.
6. Muthoni Drummer Queen /Kagwe Mungai – Hot This Year.
Excuse me? Hot what? This year? Not even Hot this week,kids. You cannot call your song Hot This Year and it’s no longer ‘Hot’ three days after release. If only Muthoni stuck to spoken word and poetry. And throwing those massive Blankets and Wine gigs. And Kagwe? What should he concentrate on more? Looking pretty? Or modeling? I’m not sure.
5. Third Party Lover – Dela
How do you go from covering Adele so flawlessly,garnering all of these massive international rave reviews to doing a song that is a cheap knockoff of Ugandan female dancehall singers? Third Party Lover is a third party song. For third party listeners. With third party jobs. It’s plain lame. And not very inspirational. She laments over the most basic stuff in the most basic way. The beat also sounds like it was jacked off from Cynthia Morgan’s German Juice. Her Adele legacy was so strong. And she washed it all down with this rundown,unoriginal cheap attempt at being a ragamuffin bad gal. Bad move.
4. Usinikazie Dus Nyau – Timmy Dat.
Like Tyra Banks would say, ‘How could you?!!! I was rooting for you. We were rooting for you. We were all rooting for you!’ There’s no one new Kenyan rapper I had mode faith in than Timmy Dat. Somehow,he had won me and I was so excited he was here with us. All of his past jams have been massive hits. And surefire club bangers. And then he did Dus Nyau. And went from rising star to same old crap real quick. Dus Nyau? Like for real? My 16-year old high school cousin wouldn’t even sing something this bad. With lyrics this cheap. And then he put Shaniqwa in the cheap video. Come on now. You cannot be allowed to make so many mistakes in such a short time. Massive fail. He should he sued.
3. Proff – Wako Wapi
This guy used to be a background singer and dancer for Redsan. Free advice,go back to the Redsan band. You were clearly never meant to make it on your own. Never ever. Not with songs like ‘Wako Wapi’. But then again, I’m not sure Redsan would even agree to sign you back with the band. He may not way to be associated with the embarrassments you’ve been causing yourself. Mr. Professor.
2. Alaine – Wafula
She came in Kenya once, we fell in love with her. Now she thought she could always come here and bore us dry with her laughter and silly attraction to fictional luhya men. Who thought that a little freestyle at the Carnivore would materialize into a real song? Complete with a video? Come on now! Alaine stretched the joke too far. Literally. What happens at the Churchill Show remains at the Churchill Show. You just don’t take it beyond that stage. You shouldn’t. Pole sana but even Wafula is not impressed. And then they brought Churchill into the single! And made him rap. Who said God’s ways of punishing people weren’t mysterious? Wafula is a song that should never have been done. And please,Miss Alaine, could you not visit us for sometime please. We will be just fine. Stay at home,mami. We have enough problems already.
1. Noti Flow – Birthday Cake.
This is probably the worst cake anyone can ever eat. Especially on a birthday. It’s tacky,raunchy, sleazy,steamy,sweaty,butt-sy, messy,tawdry,gaudy,dirty. I won’t say much on the Rap skills-or lack thereof – of notorious Instagram icon Noti Flow. I will let you watch the song and read ALL of the YouTube comments. All. Nothing I can say here is going to come close to how raw, visceral,sincere,brutally honest, unforgiving and vicious the YouTube comments on this song are. She does sound like a dying Japanese cat,yes. And her raps sound like squirrels locked in a brutal midnight forest fight. Or like snakes making love. Read the rest of the commentary on this song on YouTube and you will agree with us that this is THE WORST song. Not of 2016. But probably the last decade.
WARNING : You might need a Health Insurance cover before listening to this song. Proceed with Caution. And Good Luck.
