ARE YOU A VICTIM? Here Are The 5 Monotonous Business Ideas Nairobians Are Notoriously Copying From Each Other

Nairobians can hardly win the award for the most ingenious people. Unlike New Yorkers,Nairobians don’t really put a lot of thought before going into an investment.

All they do is secure a quick loan,look around,bounce off from an idea to another,get zero inspiration and proceed to jack off the next guy’s business plan – hoping to make a killing in the same sector.

A lot of that can be attributed to the sort of schooling we underwent – a system that,from the word go,prioritizes employment over innovation,slavery over creation.

Therefore,very few Kenyans were actually taught,from an early age,to create employment other than seek it,to innovate other than to conform,to build other than to merely occupy.

We’re schooled to find employment – not to be bosses of our own in future.

And trapped with joblessness and a reality of having no absolute income,Nairobians resort to starting hasty businesses with no proper planning,advice,knowledge or even expertise on what to venture into.

Nairobians mostly start businesses not to grow and build the economy,not to create an empire,not to carve out a whole new financial niche,but to sustain their day to day needs and pay rent and to afford to stay alive.

Hence,the Monotonous businesses we see all around town.

And so,Here Are The 5 Monotonous Business Ideas Nairobians Are Notoriously Copying From Each Other

1. Malls
If I see one more mall coming up in Nairobi City…. The mall business is now getting out of hand. We have a little mall at every little corner of the city. Ghost malls with no tenants and no shoppers and no activities at all. These Mall creators must have been fascinated by the runaway success of malls like TRM,Nakumatt Galleria,Jamia Mall,The Junction and Prestige Mall and assumed that the mall industry will always be a win-win situation. Wrong. Now we have ghost malls allover town- ugly skyscrapers taking up tens of acres of space but inhabited by no one and bringing in zero profit. We have malls from Eastlands to Thika Road to Kiambu Road to Lang’ata Road to Mombasa Road all of which are but forgotten empty buildings that no one ever visits and whose stalls stay empty for months on end. And we still have more and more malls coming up. Every single day. Sickening.

2. Perfume Shops
Now every little girl with a brown skin is a perfume connoisseur. Girls who dropped out of school for a myriad reasons which include pregnancy and thick-headedness are now all of a sudden the new Elizabeth Ardens who have the best taste and expertise in all things perfume. There’s a little perfume shop at every corner of the town. Every. And now the whole city smells like a stale tank of waste perfumes from a decaying Italian scent manufacturer. All you need is some 300 Bob and a little cylindrical bottle and you can walk home smelling like David Beckham. Or Gwen Stefani. Or better,like Antonio Banderas.

3. Movies Shops
Nairobi City is literally suffocating under the stench of movie shops littered across town. From stall to stall to stall to stall there are like hundreds and hundreds of movie shops. Selling the same movies. For the same price. With the same Buy 4 get one free offer. It’s choking. Everyone seems to all of a sudden have supreme knowledge on movies and entertainment. And hence,the hundreds of movie shops along one dull street.

4. Beauty /Nail Parlors
Close your eyes and you’ll still see a beauty shop around the block. Hold up your nose and you’ll still smell the heavy scent of shampoos and hair products slapping at your nostrils from around the corner. From River Road to Moi Avenue,Tom Mboya Street to Ronald Ngala,you’ll be bombarded by a billion beauty shops offering all manner of services – nails,hair,more nails,makeup,massage,foot rubbing,everything. No one seems to think of something better. Beauty shops have literally taken over the town. There’s even a little beauty shop right next to your office. I’m sure. Just check. No seriously,check.

5. Clothes And Shoe Parlors
Whoa! This is where the infestation really is. Clothe shops across Nairobi are like cockroaches in a dirty,stenchy French kitchen. They’re crawling allover the place. It starts from Facebook… And then you have them on pretty much every Street that exists in Nairobi. Every. Everyone is now opening a clothes shop. Everyone. Also,shoe parlors stocked with all the latest,fakest designer shoes knockoffs. Jamia mall is a demon of fashion and shoes. And the trend eats up the rest of the town. In fact,the number one product on sale in 90% of all the city centre stalls is clothes and shoes. Either these things bring in too much profit. Or the demon of fashion is dancing Azonto on our lack of other business ideas. I’m actually publishing this story from a shoe stall. And I want even buy this blue sneaker they’re selling at Sh2500. Don’t we all buy them at Sh1500? Allover town?

May we get creative…I pray…