CABU GAH DIARIES: This is the whole GHAFLA KENYA line-up. Meet the Writers…And technicians…And OUR BOSS. (PART TWO)
Like I said,Ghafla is BIG. And You need to know about it. We are ranked Number 14 on the National Alexa Ranking! As in,We are THE 14th MOST VISITED WEBSITE in Kenya! In a country of Thousands of Websites! Big deal!
Last Week, I brought You PART ONE of the Ghafla Kenya Offices Line-Up…And mostly,profiled the writers…Including my very cheeky self.It’s time for PART TWO Now. And to start the list is the most affable Boss this side of the Sahara…Mista Majani..Or, as they Call him, Baba Ghafla!
Off we start…NO time to dilly-dally….
NINTH Guy is Samuel Majani. Prefers to be called Baba Ghafla…Or Mista Majani. Majani is the FOUNDER of Ghafla. BEST Boss in the World! And HE IS only 24! Yes,24! Daaaaaammmmmn! Its illegal to be making all this mullah ONLY at 24! But then again…..Majani’s story is quite simple…He dropped out of college because he couldn’t handle masomo na assignments. And then started a blog for other Kenyans who couldn’t handle masomo and assignments too. Otherwise known as MUSICIANS. Haha. Majani lives in Gachie…In his bungalow surrounded by 4 dogs and 16 cats. Like an old,divorced pensioner in West Germany. Majani’s favorite food is …Wait for it…MANGOES! Whaaaat???!!!?? Who sits down and decides to make mangoes his favorite dish?? Who cursed You when You were little?? Majani’s fave hobbies is EXERCISING. Yaani, hitting the gym. And, clearly, its NOT working…If we can judge by the progress of his body. Either He is going to the wrong gym…Or he is eating way too many mangoes. Majani is SINGLE. He has been single for the LAST 6 Years. Well… Starting a blog is NOT exactly the most sexy thing to do…Haha. Majani’s fave Musician is Chris Brown. And he has a MAJOR crush on Laika….Am told she is a Kenyan musician. Have I ever heard of her?? NEVER!
The TENTH guy is Charles Nyarongi. Charles is the guy who prefers to talk less. And take photos flashing the chill sign…But when he decides to talk,THE HOUSE COMES DOWN. Talks like a Motorboat in a South Mugirango Dam. Charles lives in Ruaka..Right next to Runda Estate…My Friend,If YOU CANNOT afford to actually LIVE IN RUNDA Estate,MOVE out of the Neighborhood!! Sio kujificha kwa Majirani. Nyarongi’s fave dish is Ugali and Chicken! Eish! Same dish in a whole damn Office! We should all get married to each other! Nyarongi is 25 Years Old…and counts Tupac Shakur as his best musician Worldwide. Get over it, already! Tupac is DEAD! Like everybody else in this love-forsaken office,Nyarongi is SINGLE. And his hobbies include swimming and frisbee. Frisbee?? How do You expect to find a girlfriend while playing Frisbee?? Nyarongi has a crush on Huddah Monroe. Am I surprised?? NO! Nyarongi is the TECHNICAL MANAGER at Ghafla.
ELEVENTH guy is Victor Omega. At first I thought Omega was his nickname..turns out it IS HIS REAL name! Wooooiii. You know You are screwed when You end up being named after a watch company. Omega lives in Kahawa Wendani…Part of the crew that was blocking Thika Highway for hours protesting the release of Officer Katitu. Omega loves Madondo. Just Madondo. He eats Madondo plain kama jamaa wa Mjengo. Omega is in his mid twenties…Or better still,Old enough to end up in random clubs and squeeze himself under socialites’ cellulites. Omega is single..Like Everybody else! Omega spends 49 hours per day…smiling. At nothing. No wonder he is SINGLE. No girl wants a dude who smiles at nothing…He could be planning anything…Including cutting You up and chewing up Your small intestines and then using Your open skull as his soup bowl. His fave arist is Passenger. Passenger?? Who the croomplashcka is Passenger???! And when asked asked about his crush…He said “Definately NOT Risper Faith…” so that basically means,RISPER FAITH! Omega is a SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER at Ghafla.
TWELFTH guy is Irari Ngugi. Ngugi lives in Kikuyu. I wouldn’t expect him to live in ANY OTHER hood. With a name like Irari. Or Ngugi. Irari is the silent criminal…Silent,calculating,observant and a secret plotter. Irari can write too…Real interestingly. And provocatively. Irari is SINGLE. Did I even have to say that??? Clearly,there is NO WAY You can have a girlfriend with a pose like that! Single dudes allover this place like Syrian fighters in Baghdad. Get women,For Christssakes! Irari has several fave artists..among them is Jay Z,Kendrick Lamar and a woman called Jill Scott. Jill Scott, by the way, is the Atwoli version of America. Hajawai chanua nywele. His fave dish is the oft-mentioned Ugali,sukuma (phew) and beef. Classic bachelor dish. Even a rat can fix that meal. Ngugi is 22 Years Old…And has a MAJOR crush on,here we go again, Huddah Monroe…No wonder hawa watu ni single. Ngugi is a WRITER at Ghafla..Writing for our sister publication,tambaa.
THIRTEENTH guy is Kevin Njuguna. Or Kevo. Kevo NEVER says a word. Like,NEVER. He is sooo damn silent we have to shake him time after time to confirm whether he is still alive! He sits at the far end of the office…so engrossed in his work..He could explode any minute. Kevo is a cool guy. Real cool and decorous. Interestingly,Kevo likes partying and investing. Investing ,Yes. Partying?? Well…I need to see him partying to believe him. He lives in what he calls the “Kasarani Suburb”. Wait a minute Mr. Party Guy,Did You just call Kasarani a surburb?? NO WAY! STOP flattering Your town. Its just Kasarani. Nothing more. Nothing less. Kevo’s fave dish is Nyama choma. YEEEEAYYYY!!!! Finally,One Ghafla employee with a reasonable fave dish! Everyone else be like, ” Ugali Kuku…Ugali Kuku…Ugali Kuku…Blah blah blah…” Like a bunch of wannabe Luhyas. Kevo is 25. Oa,My friend. His fave artist is Bob Marley. God Bless You,Kevo. God Bless You. Bob Marley FOREVEEEERRRR!!!! Kevo handles the FINANCIAL SECTOR at Ghafla. Yes,We DO make ALOT of Money!
FOURTEENTH person is a lady….Phyllis Wangechi. Phyllis is another silent cat. She creeps into the office so soundlessly You wont know she is there until You actually check. She actually sits right at the door…That means she can sneak in,spend 40 hours and sneak out and You wouldn’t even see her! She’s behaves like a female tiger hunting mongooses in a thick Indian forest…so slick. And inaudible. Phyllis loves fashion and partying…Fashion,I agree. Partying?? I have to see her to BELIEVE. Not unless she is talking of party za watoto wa jirani. Talking of Jirani,Phyllis lives in Langata. Mtaa wa Baba. Her fave FOOD is ice cream. Yes,Ice cream! You can recover from Your shock now. Phyllis is in her mid-twenties. Whatever that means. And she has a MAJOR Crush on a Kenyan ninja named….Chicco Lucarrelli. Whoa! Never heard of such a dude! Wouldn’t tell You whether he is a Athlete, a rapper, a thug or an Ex-convict. Phyllis is TAKEN. Sorry two gentlemen. And her fave artists are Sam Smith and Liquideep. Phyllis is a sales executive at Ghafla.
FIFTEENTH person is another lady…called Sheila Kanja. Kanja Kanja! Where do I start?? Kanja, like her friend Phyllis, is another calculating hunting tiger. She NEVER SAYS A WORD. NEVER EVER! At first I thought she was dumb…Until she sneezed. And whispered “Excuse Me”. Sheila speaks a minimum of 12 words per day. Unlike Sue. Or Tonny. Both of whom speak a minimum of 23 words in a split second! Sue doesn’t even have to open her mouth to speak. She can speak while still silent! Inaitangwa talanta. Haha. Sheila is in her mid-twenties and she loves Food,partying,fashion,movies and adventure. Maybe she should try an adventure called SPEAKING! Sheila is taken and says that the list of the artists’ she adores is wayyy tooo long. Sheila is still stuck on her University crush ,a ninja called Meshark Nakolo who is probably married by now…With sixteen multi-cultural kids. And two Deadbeat mentions on Facebook. Sheila handles the Customer Care services at Ghafla.
Last person is Salim Bakar. Salim….Hmmm Have I ever heard him talk?? NO. Does he have a mouth?? I hope. Salim is in his 20’s. And he loves photography and traveling…Yes,traveling to alien lands where people DON’T talk. Or look at him. Haha. Salim loves chicken and pilau. Phew! Pilau is a welcome break. In an office sooo obsessed with Ugali. Salim is NOT dating…You expected that,No?? Salim’s fave artist is Papoose…Or Julio Eglisias. Salim,You are a REAL MAN. Julio Eglisias is the Realest to ever do this shit! Salim has a crush on Alicia Keys. And a fellow employee in THIS VERY OFFICE, Sue Watiri. Yeaaaay! Salim is a Videographer at Ghafla.
Aaaaand that’s pretty much the WHOLE Ghafla crew…
Nothing more…Nothing less…
Not unless You want me to profile the rodents that crawl up here after dark…
