How to cheat and not get caught

I’d originally created this guide for idiots like Samidoh, Terrence Creative, Professor Hamo, Mr Seed, Jalang’o, Mwakideu but since then the list has grown to include Frankie Just Gym It and Akuku Danger. You see, over the last number of months and years, we have been inundated by reports of Kenyan celebrities cheating on their wives and getting caught because they are actually a dense lot.

Samidoh’s failure: Karen Nyamu is what you get when your husband is weak

The one thing these men I mentioned have in common with their affairs is the fact that they humiliated their wives. Kabi was Jesus did not cheat on his wife but he humiliated her. For some reason, rather than bite the bit and deal with the situation he created, he dragged his wife into his nonsense and made her the subject of hate once his ruse was exposed.

But the thing is, none of them, not Professor Hamo, not Jalang’o and definitely not Kabi was Jesus nor Mwakideu would have had to deal with the public humiliation their wives were exposed to had they had mentors cut from the old testament cloth.

Learning from female celebs: Don’t date her if she’s heavily active on social media

First off, let us shed the bullshit notion that men don’t cheat. From there, let us understand and agree that men with as many options as these Kenyan celebrities do will definitely step out of their marriage once or twice. But that doesn’t mean they do not love their wives nor that they are terrible husbands and fathers.

Alex Mwakideu

Alex Mwakideu

Secondly, we should also accept that given the context we are discussing, the men in question are high-value men. They have money and status and while most of them do not have looks, that is a distant third in third world situations that the prevalent one in Kenya.

“Sitoi hii mimba” Mr Seed’s ex side chick reveals why she will not abort months old pregnancy

Ok, now let us get into how a married man or men can get away with infidelity but we must appreciate that there are ways to cheat on your wife and not get caught up like Terrence Creative, Professor Hamo, Jalang’o or Mwakideu and this is actually what would be best for all parties involved rather than them trying to maintain their hypocritical facade.

Professor Hamo

Professor Hamo

First, all your actions must follow one rule, and that cardinal rule is that you must never humiliate your wife. That should form the basis of your intent and actions. Do not rub your affairs in your spouses face. The idea here is for you to be discreet because what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Do not tell your WhatsApp group or friends or pose for pictures that your clande has taken.

Mr Seed saga: Baby trapping a man does not work

Also, you do not allow your affair partner to disrespect your partner. They need to understand that their position isn’t to challenge for the queen’s spot. And to accomplish this, you have to be very clear as to whether or not you want to keep her as a second wife or if your affair partner is merely a plaything. Imagine if Samidoh and a host of other celebrities understood this and made their stance on the matter clear.

Somali lady ‘dating’ Mr Seed

Do not make a woman uglier than your wife your clande. I do not know why this is something Kenyan celebs do not understand. Never ever pick a woman who will make your wife wonder why her. You want to be able to argue and reason with your wife (in the event you’re caught) that you had no choice because your partner is hot. It might seem counterintuitive but what happens is when you’re busted, it sparks competition anxiety in your wife. That was not the case when Professor Hamo, Jalang’o or Mwakideu were busted but it is arguably the case for Mr Seed and Samidoh.


First wife, Eddy with hubby Samidoh

As for the how:

Get a kabambe
This should be the first rule out of common sense. You never use your personal phone to sweet talk and sext. That is an amateur mistake. You need to know that your phone is always subject to scrutiny. So what you do is get a trap phone that you keep hidden in your car.
Don’t alter your behaviour
Stop changing things like your cologne, stop switching your schedule and stop altering your behaviour. you simply act like everything is normal. And that is easy to do when you’re in control of the relationship.

Crucial lessons Kenyans can learn from Alex Mwakideu’s cheating scandal

Don’t send Mpesa
One of the easiest ways for men -especially married men- to get caught, is by sending Mpesa to their lovers. Now all she needs to do is to provide that trail to your partner and your goose is cooked.

Stop sending nudes
Do I really need to explain this?! Can you not see how much drama this particular stunt has caused DJ Mo? He cannot even go on the offensive to defend himself otherwise, he risks having his pecker leaked online.

Alex Mwakideu finally comes clean on rumours claiming he cheated on wife

At the end of the day, we need to understand that unlike DJ Mo, we aren’t trying to bring shame to ourselves and our families. The best option to take when the urge to stray bites is for you to simply not. But if the urge grows beyond your capacity to handle it, then surely, it is our responsibility to ensure we do not get caught.

For more thought-provoking opinion pieces, click here. And be sure to like our Facebook page.

Why celebs like Hamo embracing polygamy is a great thing

Hamo has come out essentially to let us know that he is moving forward with Jemutai by adding her to his family as one of his wives. I for one am happy to see this happen because it solves the greater problem of how he would take care of his children by her.

‘We Are Not Perfect’ Professor Hamo Hits Back After Criticisms About Show With Baby Mama Jemutai

The intrigue that Jemutai had created around their situation has no been put to bed with Hamo taking charge of the situation. And everyone gets what they want. For the comedian, he doesn’t have to take care of two separate households. For the comedienne, her children will be bastards no longer and they will also be taken care of by their father.

And this is a win for cultural connoisseurs such as myself and the men of high culture such as my mentors because it is an attempt to embrace aspects of our traditions that make sense such as polygamy.

Mlitupima! Fans Puzzled After Professor Hamo And Jemutai Start A Show Together

What do I mean? Well, when we see celebrities like Professor Hamo embrace things like polygamy, he normalises the rather higher cerebral function tradition and destigmatizes it for weaker men who would want to get involved in such unions but due to the weight of public opinion, they instead run around cheating.

Professor Hamo
Professor Hamo

You see, Hamo proved that high-value men are always going to have women who are willing to share them. Why? Well, Jemutai admitted that she found out he was married on their first date and she still went on to have a full-blown relationship with him including giving him, two children.

“Jemutai is my wife not a baby mama” Prof Hamo reveals weeks after demanding for kids DNA test

What this shows is that he is not starved of dating options. So what would you rather he do? Keep running around and cheat? Or would you rather he actually do the right thing and step up to the plate and declare both women as his wives and actually take care of them.

Prof Hamo
Prof Hamo while he was still at Hot 96

This is a representation of men who have done the work to build themselves up. They finally got to the stage of success and the women have come. Instead of them sneaking off to Naivasha, why not embrace the wisdom of our ancestors?

For more thought-provoking opinion pieces, click here. And be sure to follow our Instagram account.