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The 5 Stages of Love: Why Too Many Stop At Stage 3

We all want real, lasting love, whether we are in our 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond. Yet too many marriages fall apart and most people don’t know why. They mistakenly believe that they have chosen the wrong partner. After going through the grieving process, they start looking again. But after more than forty years as a marriage and family counselor I have found that most people are looking for love in all the wrong places. They don’t understand that Stage 3 is not the end, but the real beginning for achieving real, lasting love:

Stage 1: Falling In Love
Stage 2: Becoming a Couple
Stage 3: Disillusionment
Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting Love
Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World

Stage 1: Falling in Love

Falling in love is nature’s trick to get humans to pick a mate so that our species carries on. It feels so wonderful because we are awash in hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen.  Falling in love also feels great because we project all our hopes and dreams on our lover.

We imagine that they will fulfill our desires, give us all the things we didn’t get as children, deliver on all the promises our earlier relationships failed to fulfill. We are sure we will remain in love forever.  And because we are besotted with “love hormones,” we’re not aware of any of this.

When we’re in love, we dismiss naysayers like curmudgeon George Bernard Shaw who cautioned:

“When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.”

Stage 2: Becoming a Couple

At this stage our love deepens and we join together as a couple. This is a time when we have children and raise them. If we’re past the child-rearing stage, it’s the time when our couple bond deepens and develops. It’s a time of togetherness and joy. We learn what the other person likes and we expand our individual lives to begin developing a life of “the two of us.”

During this phase we experience less of the falling head-over heals “in love” feelings. We feel more bonded with our partner. We feel warm and cuddly.

The sex may not be as wild, but it’s deeply satisfying. We feel safe, cared for, cherished, and appreciated. We feel close and protected. We often think this is the ultimate level of love and we expect it to go on forever. We are often blind-sided by the turn-around of stage 3.

Stage 3: Disillusionment

No one told us about Stage 3 in understanding love and marriage. Stage 3 is where my first two marriages collapsed and for too many relationships this is the beginning of the end.

This is a period where things begin to feel bad. It can occur slowly or can feel like a switch is flipped and everything goes wrong. Little things begin to bother us. We feel less loved and cared for. We feel trapped and want to escape.

We become more irritable and angry or hurt and withdrawn. We may stay busy at work or with the family, but the dissatisfactions mount. We wonder where the person we once loved has gone.

We long for the love we once had, but we don’t know where it went or how to get it back. One or the other partner wants out or sometimes people go on “existing together,” but without really feeling intimate.

This is a time we often get sick in body, mind, and soul. In our marriage, Carlin and I both began having problems with our hearts (heartache?) and were diagnosed with atrial fibrillation.

I began having serious problems with erections. To be truthful, there were times when it was miserable, and we both thought about leaving the relationship.

But we didn’t give up, we kept going. There’s an old adage, “When you’re going through hell, don’t stop.” This seems to be true of this stage of life. The positive side of Stage 3 is that the heat burns away a lot of our illusions about ourselves and our partner.

We have an opportunity to become more loving and appreciate the person we are with, not the projections we had placed on them as our “ideal mate.”

Carlin and I have now been together over thirty-five years. We’ve moved into the next stages of love and feel blessed to have learned the skills for negotiating the stage of disillusionment and can truly enjoy the later stages of love.

Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting Love

One of the gifts of confronting the unhappiness in Stage 3 is we can get to the core of what causes the pain and conflict. Like most people, Carlin and I grew up in families that were dysfunctional. Both my father and mother suffered from depression and my Dad tried to take his own life when I was five years old

. Carlin’s father was an angry, violent man. Her mother left him in order to protect herself and her daughter. We all have wounds and the wounds need healing if we’re to have a relationship that is real and loving.

Ongoing research from The Adverse Childhood Experience(ACE) Study demonstrates conclusively that childhood trauma can impact our physical, emotional, and relational health.

For the first time I made the connection between my father’s attempted suicide when I was five and my adult depression and erectile dysfunction.

Carlin and I learned to be allies in helping each other understand and heal our wounds. As we began to heal, the love and laughter we thought we had lost began to flow again.

We began to see each other as wonderful beings who had suffered greatly in the past and had come together to love each other and help heal our old wounds from childhood.

There’s nothing more satisfying than being with a partner who sees you and loves you for who you are. They understand that your hurtful behavior is not because you are mean and unloving, but because you have been wounded in the past and the past still lives with you. As we better understand and accept our partner, we can learn to love ourselves ever more deeply.

Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World

No one has to remind us that the world is not doing too well. There are continuous wars and conflicts. Racial violence seems to be everywhere. We wonder whether humans can survive.

I wondered, “If we can’t even find peace between two people who love each other, what chance do we have to create a world that can work for all its peoples?”

But now I look at the flip side of that question. If we can learn to overcome our differences and find real, lasting love in our relationships, perhaps we can work together to find real, lasting love in the world.

I believe that every couple has an opportunity to use the “power of two” to address some aspect of the world’s problems that touch their lives.


5 Reasons Men Break Up With Women They Love

ecently, I was going through the newsletter archive of my friend Christian Carter, who as you know, is one of the leading experts in dating advice for women.

There was one particular issue in which the title literally jumped out at me.

It’s called, “Five Reasons Men Leave Women They Love”.

A pretty bold announcement for an article.

As contradictory as this statement may seem, I know from personal experience that things like this do tend to happen.

I once left a woman I loved.

Why did I do it you ask?

I’ll tell you in a minute, let’s first go through Christian’s five reasons why men leave women they actually love.

But before I do this, let me make something clear beforehand:

The reasons that will be stated in the following are NOT putting the women at fault for the men leaving.

It’s almost never one person alone who’s at fault, (there are exceptions).

As I’ve said many times over, a break-up is nobody’s fault – it’s just an occurrence of incompatibility.

Please keep that in mind while you continue to read.

Reason #1: The “Pleasure Principle”

Christian is referring to the old principle that we all seek pleasure and avoid pain. This is a basic human driving force behind everything we do.

He states that men tend to walk away if there is too much “pain” in the relationship, in forms of arguing and “freaking out” about things she doesn’t like about him.

This has a huge impact on the decision whether he is willing to put more energy into the preservation of the relationship, or whether he moves on.

My take on this is that it’s not necessarily an exclusive reason for men to break up. Nobody likes to be in a relationship where there’s no healthy communication about problems and frictions.

It doesn’t mean that you have to slug down everything you don’t like about him or her, it just means that you have to develop the skill of communication in a healthy and productive way, (see reason #5).

Reason #2: Emotional Experience And The Future

Christian claims that a man draws conclusions from how a woman acts on the “little things” to what she would do when the sh** really hits the fan.

“…if a woman is consistently negative and emotional… and can’t get herself together even when a man tries to explain things and comfort her… then a man isn’t going to think that things could be any better for them in the future.”

This is a tough one, (sounds even a little sexist).

When I read this reason, everything in me screamed, “NO, this isn’t true”. But on second thought, aren’t we all doing this?

Aren’t we – especially in the beginning of a relationship – constantly testing and predicting whether he or she is “future-proofed”?

And would we split up IF we came to the conclusion that he or she is NOT?

I leave that question in the room… you’ll soon know why.

Reason #3: Lost Feelings Of Attraction

Ok, this is a big one. And a stereotype as well.

Do men leave women who they no longer find attractive even if they love them?

Before I tell you what Christian thinks, let me tell you what my opinion on this one is.

I’m going to phrase this blatantly: I think that only “bad men material” leave a woman whom he is no longer attracted to, given the relationship is promising and there are feelings involved, (i.e. it’s not just a “physical” thing by mutual consent).

“Good men” will work out their own issues, (yes, losing attraction to his wife/girlfriend might be the man’s own fault), they will take all measures necessary to re-kindle that spark of attraction.

But Christian rightly isn’t exclusively talking about sexual attraction, he also says that:

“When a man doesn’t FEEL that deep level of connection with a woman, at least every so often to remind him of why he’s with her, then he’ll forget why… and the relationship will become just a whole bunch of “work” to him.”

I think that this is a very solid point. The feeling of connection with your partner is of utmost importance and if you lose it, then you are in trouble.

Christian continues by claiming that the main mistake women make in this situation is to try to re-establish connection by “fixing things”, by talking about it or “working on the relationship”.

A man wants to DO things together to know his relationship is working, (not talk).

I couldn’t agree more on this. This is one of the main differences between men and women when they try to fix a relationship.

My tip for you is to set “memory beacons” for your relationship by “experiencing” together. By experiences, I mean things you do together, challenges you master together, enjoyments you live through together.

All the things that really connect you.

Reason #4: The “Neediness” of Codependence

This is, of course, a classic which is applicable equally to women AND men, (in fact, this has a far more devastating effect to the relationship when men are behaving this way).

IF this relationship is everything to you – your life’s purpose – and you have nothing else going on in your life, you are neglecting friends, your work, your hobbies, all the things that define who YOU are… then you will appear as needy, (or co-dependent).

And neediness in a relationship is one of the biggest turn-offs ever to men AND women.

After your break-up, were you wondering where all your friends went that you used to have plenty of contact with? Are you wondering why all the things that used to give you pleasure don’t anymore? Are you wondering who you became?

The reason for all of these questions is that you lost yourself during the relationship.

“Often times a man will leave a woman because he sees that she depends too much on him and has lost her own sources of happiness”.

Reason #5: “She’s Trying To Fix Me…”

I have to admit that this one got me thinking.

Christian writes that despite the common misconception that people can’t really change, men CAN change for a woman, but they have to do it out of self-interest.

A man needs his OWN reasons to change.

“It NEVER works, or lasts, if a man simply tries to change for a woman, or for the sake of the relationship.”

So according to Christian, a woman can take advantage of that fact by understanding HIS personal reasons for doing the work for a better relationship.

What most women are doing wrong is that they are trying to make the man understand how it affects HER, not HIM.

“People are motivated by the things THEY WANT, and not what others feel and want”.

Christian suggests that you work WITH your man, instead of against him.

He concludes by writing that one of the most important things is creating that emotional experience with a man. Because if a man is deeply committed to you and the relationship, every “issue” you might have are just bumps on the road… they cannot hurt you.

But if there is no commitment from his side, then every little problem is going to leave him “irritated, frustrated, and
have him wanting to blame you and withdraw”.


9 Biggest Mistakes Men And Women Make In The First Month Of A Relationship

Here are nine things to avoid doing in the first month of dating:

1. Make plans for the distant future.

Here’s a rule you can steal from “How I Met Your Mother”: “Never make plans with a date further in the future than the amount of time you’ve been going out.”

Of course, in a non-sitcom land, this rule gets voided once you’re in a serious, committed relationship — otherwise, no one could ever make marriage vows — but in the first month of dating, keep plans for the future at a minimum. This should be a no-pressure time to get to know one another.

2. Use the “L” word.

You might be falling for Mr. Right, but don’t drop the “love” bomb just yet. Keep your date from getting overwhelmed — and guard your own heart — by taking things slow. There’s plenty of time for love talk. In the meantime, just keep things at “like” and reassure your date that you’re interested in moving forward.

3. Talk about your future wedding. (See #1)

Don’t get ahead of yourself. You’ll have plenty of time to plan a wedding…if the relationship makes it past the one-month mark. Also, no one wants to hear that you’ve been planning a wedding on your own. It can come across as too eager — or worse, desperate.

4. Introduce your date to your entire family.

Meeting up with some friends or a sibling for a drink is one thing, inviting your date to your aunt’s birthday party is another. Set aside month #1 as getting-to-know-you time. You don’t want your grandma coming to conclusions about the where the relationship is headed before you do.

Related: Don’t meet the kids either. Give it time. Only introduce your kids to someone you’re serious about.

5. Co-purchase something together.

Don’t buy a dog together, an antique table together, or a couples’ membership to the zoo. Don’t even buy a lottery ticket together.

Unless you’re just splitting the cost of dinner, keep purchases separate. Otherwise, you’re prematurely adding a level of commitment to the relationship.

6. Slam your ex.

Your date wants to get to know YOU, not that jerk who dumped you. In a long-term relationship, all the dating horror stories of the past will be revealed. Don’t overwhelm your date with unnecessary (and bitter) details in the early stages of a relationship.

7. Ask for money.

Don’t do it. Your first month of dating might turn into your last.

8. Give him a key.

Draw some careful boundaries for your burgeoning relationship. Don’t merge lives too soon.

Related: Don’t ask him to reschedule his life for you. You’ve been dating less than a month. Don’t expect him to cancel poker night for your friend’s wine and cheese night. It’s okay to have separate lives, especially this early on.

9. Show up at her work.

Let her brag to all of her coworkers about you for months before you make an appearance. Her work is her space. Respect it. (And when you do eventually show up at work, bring flowers.)


Every Couple Needs To Know: 10 Ways To Stop Being Possessive 

Sometimes, we allow ourselves to get carried away and begin to think the we own our partners. Hey, even puppies don’t like to be called pets. You can’t own anyone. The fact that you’re gong out or married doesn’t make you their owner.

Sometimes, we get so jealous and allow it to turn us into possessive monsters over our partners. This is however, neither good for you nor you partner. Trust me, no one likes to stay in a prison not matter how beautiful the place may look.

Being possessive over your partner is like you imprisoning them, and even yourself and can only damage the relationship.

There are many reasons why people might feel possessive, including having trust issues, being jealous, or having low self-esteem. Here are some tips to keep things in perspective if you feel yourself or your partner spiraling into a possessive state.

1. Forget about the past.

Maybe you’ve been cheated on or lied to before, but this is a new relationship. Don’t let the past ruin what you have going for you now. Your partner is a different person than your ex, and deserves a fresh start. Not to mention, you’ll feel better if you let the past go! You can’t change anything that’s already happened, so release the past hurt and focus on the relationship you’re in now.

2. Don’t be overbearing.

The more you worry your partner doesn’t love you or isn’t being honest with you, the more you will push him or her away. No one wants to be with a needy person, so don’t pile all your fears and worries about love on your partner. Trust that they love you because they’re choosing to be in a relationship with you. Let them go out without you, and don’t give them the third degree when they come home. If you make your partner feel like they’ve done something bad even when they haven’t, they might wonder what it’s worth to be good.

3. Live your own life.

This goes hand in hand with not being overbearing. If you have your own job, your own hobbies, and your own social life, then you’ll be a more interesting person to your partner. It’s important to spend time together, of course, but it’s also fun to spend time apart and have different things to share and talk about when you’re together.

4. Don’t let the green-eyed monster eat you alive.

Jealousy is not only a fast relationship killer, but it will make you feel bitter and hateful in your daily life. That green-eyed monster is quick to cut you down and make you feel worthless. Turn that attitude into something positive by realizing that your partner is with you because you’re a great, quality person all on your own. You don’t need to be jealous about anyone else they may be spending time with. Make sure you know your self-worth and realize that your partner is lucky to be with you.

5. Know each other’s friends.

A great way to keep from being jealous is to be familiar with each other’s social circles. If you know who your partner is spending time with, you’ll know there’s no reason to worry. An added bonus is that you might like their friends and want to spend time with them as well.

6. Don’t try to change your partner.

You knew who your partner was when you got involved in the relationship—why do you want to change him or her now? Telling yourself that the other person needs to change could just be your easy answer to any problem you might be having in the relationship.

7. Try to find the root of the problem.

Why do you feel possessive in your relationship? Whether it’s a fear from a past relationship, or even something that happened in childhood, you need to figure out what is causing you to feel and act this way. It will help you come to terms with your issue and conquer it, which in turn will make you feel better and will help future relationships.

8. Trust your partner (and yourself).

Often people feel insecure about others because they’re projecting something they see in themselves. You might worry that your partner flirts when he or she goes out with friends because you flirt when you go out with friends. If you trust yourself to only flirt and not go beyond that, you should be able to trust your partner to do the same—it’s only fair!

9. Don’t spy.

It’s OK to admit—everyone’s done it! Checking emails of an account that’s been left open, scrolling through sent text messages, perusing the browser history…It might seem normal and harmless, but it’s creating cracks in the relationship. You clearly think there’s something to find, and that hurts the trust you have (or should have) for your partner. Not to mention, it’s really awkward if they catch you! Keep yourself busy. Do something in another room while they’re on the phone so you’re not tempted to eavesdrop. Make sure you each sign out of your email accounts before leaving the computer. Over time, if you don’t have chances to spy, it will slip from your mind and you’ll stop feeling the urge to keep tabs on your partner.

10. Be open about your issues.

Tell your partner how you feel, without making it sound like you’re blaming them. Tell them about the issue from your past that makes it hard for you to trust. Tell them how you feel when they do certain things. Make sure you’re presenting things as an open dialog, not as a fight. If you’re open and honest about things that bother you, your partner is more likely to hear you out. If you’re both on the same page, it will help you to stop being possessive. Once everything is out in the open, you can start working through it—together!


10 Incredible Benefits of Cuddling That Make You Want to Cuddle Now

Few weeks ago, we brought you an article on ‘8 Awesome Cuddle Positions Couples Need To Try’. We sure hope you did enjoy it and have already started practicing some of them with your partner.

We all know it’s difficult to find time to relax in today’s hectic world. Many even sacrifice their time for intimacy to work more hours. But intimacy with others is one of the essential elements to make human beings happier.

Today, however, just for more understanding of what cuddling really does to the body, we’ve decided to bring you some benefits of cuddling. Why is the a need for me to cuddle or for me and my partner to cuddle?.

Cuddling is one of the easiest ways to experience the intimacy we need with our loved ones. Along with so many benefits, it’s definitely something that can’t be sacrificed. Cuddling is not just for women, men long to cuddle as much as women do.

There are many surprising benefits of cuddling, it’s good for your body and soul. Read these 10 benefits below and don’t forget to hit the comment box and let us know your thought about this article.

1. Release a Feel-Good Hormone

Oxytocin is a hormone that does everything from making you feel good to helping you feel connected to others. Oxytocin is crucial in the act of cuddling, as you’ll see from its benefits popping up in the list below.

2. Boost the Immune System

The release of oxytocin, this feel-good hormone makes you feel like nothing can hurt you—which is an amazing benefit! It also increases hormones that help fight infection. Basically, you’re boosting your immune system because you’re feeling too good and healthy to get sick.

The power of positive thinking—and feeling loved and secure—actually works!

3. Relieve Pain

Just as it boosts your immune system, cuddling and releasing oxytocin will decrease your pain levels. It’s like whenever your neck hurts, you rub it. Even simple touches like that release enough oxytocin to make you feel better, so imagine the effect cuddling has — a full body contact with another human.

4. Lower the Risk of Heart Disease

Stress management coach and holistic therapist Catherine A. Connors says,

Hugging increases oxytocin levels, which is a ‘bonding’ hormone—this chemical reaction can help to reduce blood pressure, which in turn reduces the risk of heart disease.

Your heart is happier and not working as hard to combat the effects of stress and sickness, you’ll be healthier, longer.

5. Reduce Social Anxiety

Oxytocin inspires positive thinking. It helps you have an optimistic outlook on the world. Which means when you get a hug right as you arrive at the party where you only know one person, you’re going to feel happier and more social going in. You’ll feel like you can charm everyone at the party. And with oxytocin coursing through your system, you will!

6. Deepen Your Relationships

Communication is important in relationships, but people often forget how effective and meaningful touch can be.

When your career is so stressful you come home and can’t stop thinking about the job, you’re taking a negative toll on your relationship. Instead, imagine coming home and cuddling with your partner for even ten minutes a day. This brief break from the stress of everyday life will not only give you all the other benefits listed here, but will also deepen your relationship. You’ll be taking time to focus solely on your partner and what you feel for them.

7. Lead to Further Intimacy

Even non-erotic touch can release dopamine, which is a hormone that increases sexual desire. Getting a sweet hug or massage from your partner after a long day can lead to more, which is win-win for both of you! Regular sexual activity will strengthen your relationship as well.

Also, sex is a good stress reliever, and an easy way to get in some physical activity.

8. Help Mothers Bond

Oxytocin is in relation to childbirth and breastfeeding. This chemical doesn’t just inspire good feelings between couples; it also works for women and their babies. Oxytocin helps relax the mother, so that breastfeeding may come more easily.

9. Help You Sleep Better

Whether you’re spooning all night long or just cuddling with your partner for 10 minutes before you go to sleep — triggers your body to release oxytocin that helps you bond with your partner and relieve stress.

When you’re not so anxious, and more relaxed, you’re likely to fall asleep faster and have better sleep.

10. Reduce Stress

Oxytocin is an amazing natural hormone that has so many benefits for the human body. It’s only natural that all these positive effects are going to release stress, also.

You’re feeling more connected with your partner, you’re feeling confident in social situations, your immune system is stronger— nothing can stress you out. You have a great, cuddle-filled, loving life.

Cuddling Is for Everyone

Cuddling doesn’t have to be between you and your romantic partner. It doesn’t even have to be with another person—you can rub your own shoulders! You can also hug friends or play with your pets.

If you don’t want to be social or don’t have a furry friend, never fear! You can take a warm bath or get a massage. Feeling warm and connected by some sort of touch is enough to release oxytocin into your system and get you feeling good.


8 Awesome Cuddle Positions Couples Need To Try (PHOTOS)

Cuddling is one of the best means of physical affection; it garners closeness, shows affection, and increases happiness. Cuddling releases a hormone which reduces stress and anxiety, meaning that it increases your mental well-being as well. If you’ve strayed away from cuddling or aren’t sure what the best moves to use are, worry no more! Cuddling is easy and fun with a little know-how.

After a session of impassioned and strenuous lovemaking, you collapse to the mattress, spent. There’s only one thing left to do now — apart from getting a glass of water and/or going to the bathroom — that’s right, it’s time to cuddle.

But while most people will agree that post-coital cuddling is one of the most enjoyable and romantic things you can do with another person, just like fingerprints, everyone’s cuddle method is a little different.

What Is Cuddling?

Cuddling is simply touching and caressing without any contact whatsoever with either partner’s sexual organs. Women actually prefer cuddling to sex. Smart men love cuddling because it is single best route to sexual intercourse and to the elusive FEMALE ORGASM.

So what are the best cuddling positions?

Here’s a list of eight awesome cuddle options for you to try out next time you’re getting cozy together.

1. The Spoon:

Ahh, the classic. If there’s such a thing as the vanilla ice cream of cuddling, spooning is it.

It has many benefits, like allowing for full-body contact, easily accommodating different partner shapes and sizes, and not forcing you to stare into the other person’s eyes the whole time.

2. The Cradle:

This position is great if one of you particularly needs to be lying on your back and it’s also great as an option that allows for face-to-face time without necessarily feeling invasive, since the cradler can always rest their head in the crook of the cradlee’s neck.

3. The Magic Flight:

The Magic Flight mimics the Spoon from the waist up — but from the waist down, it’s much less invasive, as you’re free to extend your legs rather than pressing them against your partner’s.

This is a great option for couples concerned about overheating. However, if you really want the most pure cuddle per square inch, the classic Spoon might be the way to go.

While this distant cousin of the Spoon does offer a fun alternative, it’s hard to argue that it delivers the pure body contact footage of some of the other cuddle positions.

4. The Twist:

If the Spoon is vanilla, then the Twist has to be chocolate. But like, chocolate with something unexpected in it. The Twist is a raw, passionate cuddle that shoves two people together face-first and demands they hang onto each other for dear life.

It’s the kind of cuddle that should only be undertaken if you really don’t care what the other person’s breath smells like. In short, it’s intense — but depending on what your couple is like, that might be just what you want.

5. The Independent:

The Independent, meanwhile, is the polar opposite of the Twist — emphasis on polar. Not just because facing away from each other can feel a little cold, but because it’s a fantastic option if you want a little bit of cuddle action but not so much as to feel overheated.

It’s also perfect if you tend to feel more comfortable facing in opposite directions but aren’t quite up for the Twist.

And it can be useful after an argument, when you want to let the other person know you still love them — just scoot over in that direction a little until your backs are touching.

6. The Couch Twist:

Some of the best cuddles happen on sofas, couches and even chesterfields. Befitting the intense nature of the Twist, the Couch Twist is perfect for couples who need to cuddle right freakin’ now.

No talk of getting up or moving to another room will satisfy these passionate cuddlers, and for that, you kind of have to grudgingly approve. Plus, here, you can get a leg up — literally.

7. The Couch Spoon:

Pretty much the only position here where either participant could get anything done, the Couch Spoon is ideal for couples who want to cuddle and read at the same time.

Well, fear not, compromise is at hand! Simply port your big spoon/little spoon setup from the bedroom to the living room, have the little spoon get between the big spoon’s legs, and you’re set.

8. The Body Heat:

The Body Heat allows you to get a bit more or a bit less contact, and a bit more or a bit less face-time, depending on what exactly you both want.

Need some space? One partner can shimmy down the other’s chest a bit. Want to feel close? Engage those legs — one partner can wrap theirs around the other, or you can intertwine them.

6 Signs That Your Relationship Has A Happy Bedroom Life

A lot of couples will always find difficulty in maintaining the spark in their relationships. It can be difficult to keep the flame of passion burning brightly throughout the course of a lengthy relationship. Sometimes, it takes a lot of work and effort to keep things fresh in a relationship. You always want to make your partner feel like every day spent together is a new experience waiting to happen.

You want to be able to provide each other with thousands of priceless memories all the time but you have to understand that there will be occasional lulls in your relationships. Romantic partnerships are always up and down and you have to know that’s normal. However, if you’re really wondering about the status of your relationship, you can try studying your bedroom behavior. You can look into your sex life for indicators of a good and stable relationship. So how can you tell that you have a happy bedroom lives?

Well, here are some signs that you can take note of:

1. You feel sexy whenever you’re around each other.

You can’t explain it. Whenever you’re around other people, all your insecurities about yourself will shine through. You think you are a very flawed and vulnerable person in public. But in private, when you’re alone with your partner, you feel like you’re an incredible human specimen with unbelievable sexual prowess.

2. There is constant nudity.

You’re both so incredibly at ease with each other, you never feel awkward about walking around the house in the nude. You love looking at each other’s bodies, and you always feel comfortable whenever you’re bare nude in each other’s company.

3.You feel comfortable with being honest with each other.

You don’t ever feel the need to censor yourself. You’re very open and honest about your needs and expectations in the bed. You are also very understanding and receptive of your partner’s personal needs and you try your best to satisfy each other the best way that you can.

4. You always flirt with each other.

When constant flirtation is alive in your relationship, that means that the both of you are still making efforts for attraction. You always try to ignite each other’s innocent passions with playful flirtation. You make the most out of the time you spend with each other by letting each other know about your deepest passions and desires.

5. You trust each other.

Whether in bed or in public, trust in a relationship is very important. If you know that you have a solid relationship that is built on pure honesty and uncompromising trust, then you’re probably safe.

6. You spend a lot of time together in the bedroom.

You don’t necessarily have to be doing the deed. You could just be snuggling up in bed and watching some television. You could just be cuddled up together and talking about whatever you want. Bedroom time is important, private, and intimate.


8 Signs That Tell You Your Relationship Is One The ‘Red Line’

Things happen to all couples for better or for worse, but gauging where you two stand is an important aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship. In this article, we are going to move from lighthearted topics like maintaining and adding spice to a relationship, to the harsher side of how to dissect and analyze a rocky relationship.

1. You’re arguing constantly

When you do try to communicate about things, it turns into a fight. Even the small things seem difficult to talk about now. Conflicts escalate quickly and are frequent. They may even be happening in front of the kids. Consider this is a clear sign to get help.

2. You Two Can’t Agree On Anything

She wants red, you want blue. She likes bananas, you like melons. He likes action movies, you are a more romantic type. He likes video games, you like doing your nails. These differences are completely normal. I mean seriously, who wants to date someone who is exactly like you. The above is perfectly healthy in a relationship unless it really starts getting in the way, like being unable to decide where the money goes, or what to do for tonight. If there is a heated argument every time the two of you try to decide on what to do or how to do something because you have differing opinions, you have a problem.

3. You discover that your partner is keeping secrets

Secrets are toxic and create an atmosphere that breeds mistrust, anger and resentment. Maybe secrets are being kept about the way money is spent or how financial decisions are made. Perhaps it’s a secret about maintaining frequent contact with an ex-partner.

4. Lack Of Trust

This is one is a major signs that something is wrong. Relationships cannot prosper if both partners cannot trust each other in all manners, or at least come clean on matters they cannot trust the other on (and work on them!). Put together a list of everything you couldn’t trust your significant other with. If it starts to look like a long laundry/grocery list you might have a problem.

5. You’re giving each other the silent treatment frequently

You both have given up on trying to communicate with each other. There’s an issue and neither of you bother anymore to try to resolve it. You’ve reached the stage in your relationship where you’ve decided there’s no point in communicating about issues as they likely never get resolved. You don’t feel understood or heard so you’ve given up.

6. Presence Causes Negativity

Going even further into the extreme of rocky/doomed relationships. Being next to them, hearing their name, or even just thinking of them breaks your mood or bring about a feeling of negativity, anxiousness, or tension. The above feeling is totally natural if one of the partners is angry or annoyed. It will pass, you may attempt to wisely facilitate its departure if you will.

However if both of you are of clear mind/neutral emotion and still find the negativity/anxiety/tension when you are with or thinking of the other, you better sit down and think of the why. “She has a short fuse”, “He usually gets home drunk”, and “He always gets intrusive/defensive whenever I am without him” are all possible examples of negatives that linger after their occurrence. I cannot say it enough, be objective in figuring out the why and act upon it. If you cannot pardon or find ways to live with or fix the current issue, then your relationship might be running aground.

 7. No Forgiveness, Just Fighting

This one is a given. There are no breaks for happiness for the two of you, there is just fighting, bickering, and begrudgingly doing things together. With that said, I’m not talking about “Play Fighting” where both partners insult each other for the fun of it, I’m talking where there is a constant escalation of negativity between both parties. This is made extra worse every time something else from the past gets brought up (which it will) and the scenario leaps out of control and both parties gain nothing but anger from it.

My advice is to remain objective and to have both parties come forward and state their issues at the forefront and calmly discuss them. If things start to get heated or escalate; the conversation ends there and starts again on another day. Usually, as soon as one person gets heated or angered, almost all forms of communication become ineffective.

8. There Are More “Bad Times” Than “Good Times”

Think back on the last 30 times you were with your partner, did most of them end negatively or had more annoyance/sadness than general happiness? If not then your relationship might have entered a vicious cycle or pattern that needs to be broken if there is any chance for the two of you to survive. Look back onto the situations and find what is causing them. Your goal is to find the problem and work with your partner towards a solution together. Objectivity is key to avoid getting too personal.